jump to navigation

We Want the Fairytale July 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Relationships, Women.
add a comment

The GoodGuys File

Ross and Rachel. The Notebook. Marshall and Lily. Carrie and Big. Moulin Rouge. Cory and Topanga. Jim and Pam. Titanic. Romeo and Juliet. We idolize them, these fairytales, these couples that make our realities seem feasible and attainable. It’s not that we put a sheath over our eyes and pretend that all is perfect, and all will be perfect, but at the end of the day, it’s what every girl wants.

When you first start to like someone, or date someone, there are all these butterflies and exciting feelings running through your bloodstream. Every date is a new adventure, every night your head hits the pillow, so does your smile. It’s a very joyous time, and it fills us with hope and some blind ideas of what our life could be like in a couple of years; white picket fences and all that jazz. After that, one of two things happens, it turns sour and you break-up, or it turns out great and you stay together. After a some months, excitement turns more into pride, like you are so proud to say you’ve been in this relationship for a long time and you want to show your significant other off like a trophy. Having them pick you up from work, meet you for lunch, or attend your bosses dinner is like a badge of honor. If you’ve been dating a year or two, everything is more like routine, not to say you don’t love one another, not to go as far as saying your life is boring, but let’s face it, if you left your pump on a staircase your boyfriend would probably just yell out “Hey, moron, you did it again!…Come get your shoe, silly!”

Cinderella and Prince smaller correctIt sounds crazy, because we bury it deep inside, but girls, we want a fairytale. We know that things will become routine, we know that life won’t be perfect, and the only time it’s even acceptable to wear a tiara is maybe on your wedding (…and even then, questionable), but we want the moments that we can tell our future children about. That time that he surprised you with dinner at your favorite restaurant when you thought you were just going to a friend’s place for drinks; that necklace he got you for christmas, the one you had been dropping hints about for months; that day she came home with flowers, just because. Not every girl, not every women, but for the most part, we want cheesiness. For many of us, it’s hard to admit, it’s like some kind of anti-feminist defeat – “Ew, proposals on the end of a dock surrounded by lilies, so lame” but inside, even if it’s very far inside, we’re more like “OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, THAT’S SO PRETTY! SO SWEET! I WANT! AHHHH”. Let’s stop kidding ourselves here. We like it when men write us poems, even though they are really, really bad. We like it when our girlfriend or boyfriend make us a picture book of all our best memories, even though everyone does it.

No one wants to meet someone, have all those giddy feelings, and then just decide “Yup, he’s the one. So now my life can go back to being dull and lifeless.” Of course not! Romance is something everyone craves, romantic comedies are dumb, but we watch them – over, and over, and over, and over. Find that little girl, watching Cinderella all wide-eyed, and never let her go…and most of all, find a partner that loves that little girl too. Dreams can come true, sometimes it just takes a little nudging in the right direction.

The Treasure Hunt for Good Friends July 14, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Friendships, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships.
add a comment

Confession time: I’ve always had a hard time finding friends. I don’t really mean people to hang out with, or people to talk to, I’m not talking lonely kid at the lunch table syndrome, I mean real friends. I also used to think that I was the only one with this problem. It would be a friday night and no matter who I texted to get drinks with, they were all occupied with parties, movies, outings, everything that didn’t include me. It always seemed that I had a million great people around me, but when I needed them most, they were nowhere to be found. Now that I’m a little older, and a little wiser (hm…debatable), I know that other people feel this too, this hole in their life that can’t ever seem to be filled.

Three-StoogesYou ever look at those girls with, like, twelve best girlfriends, and you’re like “How?!”. Even when you think you’re on the right track, you’re not. You think you’re so close to people, you laugh together, you cry together, and then six months later you can barely get them to answer a text, or their response to your five paragraph email is a two liner about how they were “So happy to hear from you”. The people at work will spend an extended lunch hour with you, tell you about their problems and their triumphs in their personal life, but when you ask them to hangout on the weekend, it seems like they’re always busy. Then, there are those friends who are great, and do hang out with you, and tell you that they’re glad you guys are closer now, until the first day they stand you up. Then, it’s like a parade of canceling on you – coffee, drinks, dinner, meeting you at the gym, lunch; it’s one thing after another and frankly, you’re tired of all of it. I know now that it isn’t just me, that people out there are giant flakes who don’t understand how they make other people feel when they simply can’t keep a coffee date.

It makes it hard to want to make friends. You have your core group of two or five people who are always there for you, but everyone else just falls to the wayside. All you want is someone to go to the new chick-flick with, but everyone already has a girlfriend who they’ve committed to going with. What are you supposed to say? “No! You should go with me!”, of course not, you tell them you totally get it, and maybe next time it’ll work out. People don’t necessarily do it on purpose, it’s not about not wanting to hang out with you, it’s about being in a different circle that you just don’t happen to be a part of, so you can’t even be mad at them. Why keep trying when you keep getting dumped on? Why keep putting yourself in that position?

Know that what people appear to have on the outside, may not be what is actually going on. That girl with a million friends, maybe she’s just trying to make it work, and really, she’s not happy. That guy with the best buds in the world, maybe he’s just trying to hold on to college, when all his friends are getting married and having kids. Things aren’t always what they appear so don’t judge yourself compared to others. Some people have had the same friends since kindergarten, some will meet their besties in college, and for you, for you maybe your solid friends are coming later in life. Don’t put so much pressure on it and when you are lonely on that Saturday afternoon; find things that you enjoy and schedule your life for you, and your happiness. Step one is always loving yourself first, so love yourself and the life long friends will come.

 

Follow Your Dreams…No Matter When July 9, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Arts/Theater, Following Your Dreams, How To, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
add a comment

I remember when a guy I was sort-of dating first introduced me as “she used to be a dancer”. It’s a good thing he didn’t see my face, because I think it was a mix of shock and complete anger. Yes, this is no longer my career. Yes, I now have expanded my resume. Yes, it’s not what my business cards say. But I, in every way, shape and form am still a dancer! It’s a part of my being, my personality, who I am and how I think. Still, I had to face the reality, it was hard to call me that, when I wasn’t spending 10am-8pm in a dance studio anymore.

Remember when you were seven years old and asked what you wanted to be when you grew up? One week it was a veterinarian, the next it was a fireman, then a gymnast who would go out he Olympics and also a mommy or a daddy, or a horse farmer, or a purple rainbow catcher, or a pineapple trader. Well, your dreams in your twenties are just like that, but more along the lines of wanting to make good money, have a great apartment, like your job, have a comforting relationship, make awesome friends, have a stellar career, and so forth. The enchilada, the whole damn enchilada. Then, once you start getting all these things, something really unexpected happens, and you realize how unhappy you are. At twenty-three nothing seems grander than a fancy apartment with your significant other and a dog, but sometimes what we do to get those things means giving up something else. Sometimes, the things we give up are the most important.

turned-cants-into-cans-dreams-into-plansIf you’re lucky enough your career and passion are one in the same, but for many of us, that’s not that case and we have to make the time and effort to follow our dreams. I always thought that going back to dancing seemed futile later in life. After getting a degree, building a professional name for myself, creating a relationship and making money. It felt like it would only be a hobby and not a focus, but slowly, I began to feel dull, lifeless, like I was missing a huge part of myself. I felt like someone had grabbed my very arm off my body and run away with it. I realized that I had been working so hard at life, I had forgotten what was truly important, being happy. There are going to be a lot of years in your life you can’t be truly happy and truly successful, and sacrifice is important, but once you are on the right trajectory, and you are starting to achieve normalcy again, it’s important to feel like you again. If you were always a marathon runner, pick a 5K to train for; if you used to teach acting too little kids, volunteer at a day camp for a couple of weeks. Getting back into the swing can be hard, overwhelming, and time-consuming; it can actually be scary, when you aren’t sure of the outcome or even know if you’re still capable of doing whatever it is you do, but once you put on that dance shoe, or take that photograph, or cook that first desert, it’s like you feel like you’re home.

The career of a dancer starts at about seventeen, and by twenty-seven you’re already considered old. Had I known at seventeen what I know now, perhaps I would have made some different choices, but you can’t regret the mistakes or decisions you made because they lead you to where you are today. You would not be going back to what you love, had you never left it. For many, discovering what they love happens in their twenties, a simple art class or team building retreat can open up new worlds for people. Now is the time, before kids, before mortgages, before there’s another college to pay for, to get into a habit of following your dreams too. Be realistic, you’re never going to be an NBA player, but there are plenty of leagues and teams out there looking for a good shot!

“She turned her can’ts into cans, and her dreams in plans.” What I’ve learned, which I wish I had known at ten, and sixteen, and twenty, and twenty-two was that the most important thing in life is to have dreams. They may not bubble to the surface in the exact way you thought, but the more you learn about life, the more ways you find to make them work. The only person who can do that is you, so never let go of your dreams, and never let anyone take them away from you. In whatever form they may come, they are yours, and yours to concur.

Remember When – You Didn’t Worry About THESE Things? July 5, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Beauty, Family, Humor, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Remember When.
1 comment so far

Remember when you didn’t think about these things…and now, they’re part of your conscious thought processes? Sorry, twenty-somethings, life is only going to get harder from here on in, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it. First step to enjoyment? Laughter. Grab a glass of wine, and join our club of self-pity and “Oh my gosh! I do that!” moments.
Here are the “Remember When You Didn’t Worry About…”‘s

Remember when you didn’t worry about…
Who to invite? As you get older, you meet more people, some you like, some you don’t, some you used to like and now you don’t. Likewise, the older you get, the more events you encounter – job promotions, engagements, weddings, anniversaries. When you were seven, and it was your birthday, all your cousins and neighbors and classmates came, now, it’s a russian roulette of who you don’t invite. Stacey is a serious gossip and a backstabber, so you don’t want her to be part of your event, but then she’ll be the only person in your office you’re not inviting to your wedding. You haven’t seen Uncle John in nine years, and no one in your family likes him, but your cousin is the one who got you you’re new job, so, now you’re just going to spend the entire party worry about him not insulting one of your friends. Worst of all…the events that you get invited to. “Did they invite me because they want me to come, or because it was the right thing to do? Do I want to go? And if I don’t, is that rude? Should I feel bad? If I go, how much money will this cost me? Will I know anyone there?”…so many questions. What happened to the simplicity of Chuck E Cheese?

Your weight. AND stamina…AND skin…AND complexion…AND heartburn? So gross! When we were sixteen, and nineteen, and twenty-one, we could stay up all night doing shots, wake up the next morning at nine, pop a Gatorade and some doughnuts and be in class or at work, looking, more or less, normal. Now, two glasses of wine put you out for 24 hours, not eating a solid breakfast puts you at the top of the stairs out of breath, things like “skin care creams” and “anti-aging serums” are now things you are considering buying, and when you see commercials for Prilosec or Tums you wonder “eh, I should pick some up next time I’m buying nail polish remover”. What happened?! You’re only 28 and these are things you’re dealing with. Defeated by age, aren’t we still supposed to be considered young?!

Retirement. Not to say it feels any closer than it did five years ago, but not thinking about it is no longer an option. Your HR department hands you a 401K form, or your father insists you open your Roth IRA next time he’s in town, or your banker starts asking you questions about loans, mortgage plans, and how all these will affect your life after your career. You’re still figuring out how to pay off your student loans without having to live in a an apartment the size of a closet. Thinking about retirement is super depressing when you haven’t even gotten knee-deep in your career, or you’re still figuring out which direction you want to go in…but everyone wants to know what you plan to do for money when you’re 65. “How about, what am I planning to do for money next month?”

1349831763184_6087440….About how old child stars were? When we were kids, we loved seeing Jonathan Taylor Thomas as a strapping teenager, or the kids of Dawson’s Creek growing up, and making movies. Dakota Fanning is twenty. Yup, she is twenty. Have a big gulp of wine…if you didn’t feel old yet, you do now, right? Oh, by the way, JTT is 32. You’re welcome.

Which school district is good? Even though you’re still un-hitched, and you’re years away from having babies, the idea of purchasing a property seems possible in the near future, and makes you feel like you’re moving up in the food chain. So, while you’re checking out different suburbs (and wondering WHY the HELL you’re on Zillow & Google Earth looking at houses) you’re also skimming the net for the best school districts in the area. Sad, but true, even before you have bundles of joy in diapers, you’re thinking about where you’re going to send them to school. Children, taking over the world, one psychotic break at a time.

Taking care of your parents. No matter how young they are, or you are, you worry about what will happen when they need you. Can you afford an emergency plane ticket to go help them? When they move to a new neighborhood, or a new house, will they be lonely? Do they miss you being around? Who are their friends and what are their intentions? Does their boss respect them? Life was a lot easier when they embarrassed you at the mall in front of the “cool kids” and you pretended you didn’t know them. Now you care… a lot.

What time the live music at the bar will start? When you were twenty-one, you were at the front of the crowd, speakers blowing out your ear drums, holding your fourth, or fifth, drink of the night with your arms around total strangers singing songs you’ve never heard before together and secretly imaging the lead singer asking you out. Now, 9pm rolls around,you see the amps and you ask your waitress what time the band will go on so you can be sure to tab out before then. You’ve got a new episode of the Bachelorette waiting for you on your DVR and a group of girls wearing shirts as dresses just walked in. As you walk out, you don’t realize you still have the same shirt/dress in blue stuck at the back of your closet. Oops.

Things like a lazy susan. I bet when you were searching for your first place your list was pretty minimal – working heat, space for a full size bed, a bathroom that doesn’t attract rats, and a kitchen that could pass for something bigger than a hotel room hot plate. Your latest apartment search included something more along the lines of – central air, washer and dryer in unit, storage closet, a kitchen with a window above the sink, a mud room or something that could be used for one, and a lazy susan cabinet. And somehow, these were all non-negotiable. Mr. & Mrs. Picky Pants…or, are we just old and refusing to live in the same building as a frat. Hm, the later.

d383cf36.jpg.505x650_q85Looking, sounding and having opinions just like your parents. The first time you say or do something and realize that is exactly how your mom sounded, or your dad acted and you’re paralyzed by sheer horror at the event. It’s not that it’s actually so awful, it’s more like when you walk into a room where someone in naked, you’re more shocked and confused then you are sure of what just happened.

We used to think that getting older, feeling older, or worrying about being older was something bad, but, to be honest, when you look at twenty-two year olds now, aren’t you relieved you aren’t THAT anymore? Someone once said,”Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” When you think of it in those terms, all those things listed above are an amazing and comical thing that we are all lucky to have as part of our lives. Getting older is like good wine, the olda’ the betta’!

July Needs Some Ketch-Up June 27, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Beauty, Dating, GoodGuys File, Health and Fitness, Jobs and Work, Ketch-up, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships, Review.
add a comment

It’s KETCH-UP WEEK at Doing Laundry in Heels! June has been a rollercoaster of articles, SK traveling, Pascal resurfacing, and even with all that, it still needs some ketchup! So here’s what’s been on the grill this month and what’s been hot!

The Real Life Rules of Respect and Honesty – By Pascal
Respect and honesty are funny things. As far as my experience goes, everyone wants to be respected, and really, most people think they deserve respect in one manner or another, but what are the rules on respect? In the same vein, “honesty is always the best policy” and “relationships are based on honesty”…right?…Read more!

Turning Pretend into Reality
Many of us are very hard on ourselves. If we’ve felt like we’ve battled life alone – we are constantly trying to find the next level of achievement. If we came from wealth, or help, or a life that was created to be easy – we want to prove everyone wrong. If you’ve always been a winner – failure is the ultimate defeat. If you’ve rarely been a winner – then winning is the only thing you strive for. Most of us fall into one of these categories, if not a couple, so with people like us, we’re always searching for the next thing, reaching for the next level, wanting to prove to the world that we made it…Read more!

Detaching From The Situation
“You’re a horrible person.”

“You did the opposite of a good job.”

“What made you think this was a good idea?”

“You’re seriously under performing.”

Things we’ve all probably heard at one point or another. Whether it’s coming from a boss, or co-worker, a friend, a parent or a partner, it’s the worst thing to hear and it’s shocking. When you’re sitting at the opposite end of a table and someone looks you dead in the eye and starts telling you that you’re, basically, worthless, your first reaction is shock. In your mind you’re thinking “What is happening right now? Is this for real?”…Read more!

Simple as Sugar – A Review about Simple Sugars Skincare! (Yum)

Anyone who has spent more than ten minutes with me knows that I have an enormous sweet tooth, probably more so than most other people on the planet. If there’s dessert, I’m there, but I recently found a product that is as sweet as sugar (literally!) but rather than making you breakout and plump up, it does something good for your body…Read more!

The Sides of Needing Space – this month’s GoodGuys File
There are two types of people out there, those who need space and those who do not. Most people like to think they’re one kind, but are probably the other. So, what happens when you’re in a relationship and spending the majority, if not almost all, your time with the same person? What happens you ask? Fights, tension, lashing out or snapping for no good reason. Human beings weren’t meant to be alone, but they weren’t meant to be together 24/7 either. Finding the balance in a relationship is a fine line, but it isn’t an invisible one…Read more!

Oh…and by the way, WE TURNED FOUR IN JUNE! and there was lots of cake!

The Sides of Needing Space June 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Apartment Life, Dating, Family, GoodGuys File, Health and Fitness, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Real World, Relationships, Women.
add a comment

The GoodGuys File

There are two types of people out there, those who need space and those who do not. Most people like to think they’re one kind, but are probably the other. So, what happens when you’re in a relationship and spending the majority, if not almost all, your time with the same person? What happens you ask? Fights, tension, lashing out or snapping for no good reason. Human beings weren’t meant to be alone, but they weren’t meant to be together 24/7 either. Finding the balance in a relationship is a fine line, but it isn’t an invisible one.

There are two sides to “I need space” and the only way to make it work, is to understand where the other person is coming from. For people who really do need space, it’s about feeling suffocated. People don’t necessarily want to be without you, they also don’t necessarily want to be alone, they just want some air. Like when you’re stuck in a crowded subway car, or a stuffy office building, you just want to get outside – it’s not that you don’t like where you are, or who you’re with, you just need some air. Space allows people to refocus on their relationship, or other things. For many people, they love their significant other so much, it can difficult to really get other things done while they’re together. They make excuses or procrastinate doing things because it’s easy to just hang out or go out when you’re with the person you like. Alone time lets them work on the other elements on their life like work, career, finances, family and friendships. Sometimes, space doesn’t even mean being alone, it means being apart. Visiting family for a week, going out with friends, or even going to work or out after work can be space. It’s a new setting, a new set of people, and if anything, it generally makes them miss being with you more.

Some people simply don’t need as much space as others, probably because they aren’t used to it. Maybe they are an only child, or have felt a lot of separation in their life. To them, needing space is a synonym for all sorts of things – it means not wanting to be with the other person, it means leaving, it brings up the anxiety of being alone, which for many people can be difficult. For people who aren’t used to being alone, or don’t have a need for it, hearing “I need space” is instantaneously negative. It makes them feel like they’ve done something wrong and they’re being punished, it creates a sense of insecurity and even fear. However, some people, they just don’t need space. They are people persons, they like being social, they like chatting and telling stories and laughing and being around people. Not to say that people who need space aren’t like this, but for some people, life is just boring without others.

So, what’s the right way to go about making it work? First rule of thumb; don’t deny people who need space. Telling someone you don’t want them to have time alone is the fastest way to start the beginning of the end. People don’t like being denied something that’s rightful theres, people also don’t like being bossed around. There are going to be moments, maybe fights, where space is the last thing you want but you’re going to have to let them have it because they need it, and your relationship needs it. Second rule of thumb; understanding people who don’t need space. Whether they have an emotional reaction to the word “space”, not like being alone, or simply want you to stop leaving every single time you need to take a breath, listen to them. See where they’re coming from and work to control how often you might need space. Walking away isn’t always the answer, sometimes things need to be handled together.
.

It’s Our Fourth Birthday! June 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Uncategorized.
add a comment

cbar-turns-4

Thanks for FOUR AMAZING years! Doing Laundry in Heels could not be happier, healthier and more excited for the future!

As Simple as Sugar! June 20, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Beauty, Causes, Health and Fitness, Medical, Review, Shopping.
add a comment

Anyone who has spent more than ten minutes with me knows that I have an enormous sweet tooth, probably more so than most other people on the planet. If there’s dessert, I’m there, but I recently found a product that is as sweet as sugar (literally!) but rather than making you breakout and plump up, it does something good for your body.

Not too long ago, I did a juice cleanse. What I learned through this process was to pay attention to what really goes into my body. It’s amazing how much your skin absorbs, more than you could ever be aware of. I began to read more and more articles about what makes a product natural or organic, what makes it good for you, and how it can benefit you. I made a lot of life changes after this cleanse, and one thing I definitely wanted to change was my skin care routine. No matter how good a product it, it’s full of chemicals. If you do the research, you find out that actually most things found in nature can do the same job as all those compounds on the shelves of Walgreens. I tried to concoct some of my own formulas for skin care, but there is a reality of life – time, money, energy, effort. Sometimes, those four magic factors don’t always work together. So, I tried a new route, finding something that was natural and healthy but also wasn’t going to crack any paychecks.

Then, it dawned on me (while running on the treadmill, at the gym…okay, okay, it was on the TV!) a Shark Tank product! As a big fan of the show, I’m always shouting “I want that!” but sometimes, forget to follow through. When I saw an update about Simple Sugars, I remembered how much I had wanted it so many months ago. Simple Sugars is a skin wash/exfoliant made up of natural smells, flavors, ingredients and, yes, sugar! Unlike sugar water, it doesn’t leave you feeling sticky and even more clogged, it really does work! If you want to read the ins and outs of Simple Sugars, their website is a great source, but rather than rattling on about the great benefits to skin, let’s chat about what a real life experience with Simple Sugars feels like.

The variety of body, foot, and face scrubs, plus the different smells, or “flavors”, makes it hard to choose which to start off with! Different ingredients have different properties so I went with Coffee for my face and Lavender for my body. I love how caffeine perks up my skin, and the smell wakes me up and comforts me, not to mention, I have used coffee grinds on my face before and love how smooth they leave it. I also love lavender for opposite reasons, it’s so soothing and relaxing and always leaves me feeling refreshed in a calm and rejuvenated way. Simple Sugars work on the skin, but they’re also fun! Mixing it each time (the oil and sugar separate), glopping some onto your skin and getting all soft and smooth as you wait for the sugar to “melt”, then you wash it off and,”aaaaahhh” so clean! The best part – the oil!

I hate any kind of oil on my skin, it makes me feel gross. I rarely use moisturizers because of this, I hate the residue they leave. Simple Sugars oil is different. After you pat dry, or get out of the shower, you instantly feel this silkiness. At first, it really feels like oil, but after a couple of minutes it soaks into your pores and it almost feels like a soothing medication; like when you have a bug bite and cortisone cream makes it stop itching. It’s an experience you have to feel for yourself. I feel like I am making my skin healthier.

The great part of this experience is how relatively inexpensive it is, I paid under $40 for both scrubs that will probably last me a couple of months. I’m excited to try all the different smells and happy healing properties of the different scents and ingredients! Most of all, I am so happy to have found something that is good for me and my skin, and I think is just fun to use, who doesn’t want a mini-at home spa?!

Get your own sweet tooth at SimpleSugars.com and check out this young entrepreneur’s story on Shark Tank! Support American businesses while being healthy and happy!

Happy scrubbing!

Detaching From the Situation June 16, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Family, Friendships, Health and Fitness, How To, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Tips and Tricks.
add a comment

“You’re a horrible person.”

“You did the opposite of a good job.”

“What made you think this was a good idea?”

“You’re seriously under performing.”

Things we’ve all probably heard at one point or another. Whether it’s coming from a boss, or co-worker, a friend, a parent or a partner, it’s the worst thing to hear and it’s shocking. When you’re sitting at the opposite end of a table and someone looks you dead in the eye and starts telling you that you’re, basically, worthless, your first reaction is shock. In your mind you’re thinking “What is happening right now? Is this for real?”, then you’re next reaction is defense, followed by total loss. You want to spurt back “I did a great job! And you know it!” but what actually comes out it something more along the lines of “I..well, I, after looking over the report, I, we,…it appeared that it would be the best..more appropriate decision.”  Which usually only opens the conversation to more details about how much you suck. No one, human being is built to withstand a verbal hurricane, no matter how strong you are or how many times you’ve been through it, there is no way to prepare yourself for a sudden blow.

In a recent experience, someone I highly respect was delivering a message from someone else, once again, telling me I was failing at life and should probably just stop trying to impress anyone with any attempt at pathetically proving them wrong. Then she paused, looked into my eyes, and said “I think not caring comes with age.” I laughed. I laughed because the girl next to me was near tears, and I was considering putting my fist through a wall, and I laughed because it was true. Both still in our twenties, we took this reprimand to heart. When you’re an adult, there is no more first grade teacher around to tell you that even though you didn’t write all the letters correctly, you’ll try again tomorrow and it’ll be better! No, in the real world, sometimes you get one shot to not make the N backwards and if you fail, you fail. You failed. And someone is going to make it known to you. I laughed, because I realized how stupid it was to care so much about something that would, moving forward, be fairly insignificant in the grand scheme. I decide that, regardless of being young or old, I was going to learn how to not care.disneys-peter-pan

My mother told me that confident people don’t put others down. Confident people also rarely refer to themselves as confident. A person who is secure in their profession, their relationship, their situation in life, won’t spend the time to find small faults in others. So, when your significant other of six-months starts outlining how you’re just not emotional invested enough in the relationship, maybe stop to think if this is something that he or she is actually dealing with? Perhaps your boss insists that low sales are a result of you not trying hard enough; a good boss is going to give you constructive criticism, not blame you and waste everyone’s time. Maybe you’re not so close with your parent or sibling, and they’re always highlighting your imperfections; sounds like this is something they’re insecure about. The examples could go on and on, but the lesson is more valuable than the stories.

So I tried, the next time I got a snippy e-mail, or saw a rude Facebook post, or even just felt discouraged at my job. Before I could let myself really get down, I thought of something that makes me happy. Not something superficial like sitting on my yacht, or on a beach with a cocktail, or driving around in my BMW – none of which actually exist; but something real like what I would be doing with friends that weekend, or a nice dream I had, or an event that recently occurred that made me smile from ear to ear. After I got  this mental picture in my head, I just moved on with my day. Whenever I felt that tension or frustration rise up again, I pushed it away with happy thoughts [Peter Pan and Tink really had something there]. You can’t just push it away though, you have to release it, not hold it in. Don’t talk about it too much with others, don’t harbor on it, basically pretend it’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard in your life and forget about it!

I tried…and it was super hard! It was so hard to pretend it wasn’t bothering me, it was hard to think of something else, it was tough to just not keep bringing it up. I don’t even think I’m that great at it yet, but I tried, and I got over what was bothering me and most of all, I didn’t let insecure people get under my skin! Be the cream, rise to the top and just be above it all. People who want to be insecure and cause tension are welcome to relocate back to high school. Space is always open snd registration is free. Focus on being s better you and let losers find a way out of their own mess.

Turning Pretend into Reality June 11, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Apartment Life, Dating, Family, Finances, Friendships, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships.
add a comment

Many of us are very hard on ourselves. If we’ve felt like we’ve battled life alone –  we are constantly trying to find the next level of achievement. If we came from wealth, or help, or a life that was created to be easy – we want to prove everyone wrong. If you’ve always been a winner – failure is the ultimate defeat. If you’ve rarely been a winner – then winning is the only thing you strive for. Most of us fall into one of these categories, if not a couple, so with people like us, we’re always searching for the next thing, reaching for the next level, wanting to prove to the world that we made it!

When I was a little girl, I played house where I had “children”, and I washed “dishes”, and life was perfect. When I got older, my cousins and I would pretend we had fabulous clothes, and fabulous cars and handsome boyfriends like the ones from the Barbie Queen of the Prom Game, and we’d drive to the mall to get our nails done. When I was a teenager, I dreamed about my loft apartment in NYC, my amazing career, and my cool friends who I’d meet a fancy lounges and cute bistros. Even after that, I thought about meeting the man of my dreams, living with my boyfriend, going on vacation together and getting engaged. These are all just dreams, they aren’t real, but within them is an element of very, very honest truth.

inspirational-quotes-3I always felt like once I’d get five steps ahead, I’d fall back down a mile. No matter how far I got in life, something, somewhere, would take a turn and we’d be starting from scratch. If my apartment was amazing, my friendships were in shambles; if I was dating a great guy, work was bumming me out; if I found the greatest opportunity, it didn’t pay enough to justify taking it. Never seemed like I was getting where I wanted to be, but then I’d look back and realize I had come leaps and bounds, and I had much to be proud of.

The other day, I was really beating myself up. Feeling like I wasn’t any closure to my dreams in life and then, something very unique and reflective occurred to me. Ambitious people always feel like they’re reaching, because they always have something to reach for. Each step you take in life brings you closer to a goal, a dream becoming a reality. Four years ago I couldn’t fathom buying a car, realistically or financially and now, I’m probably less than a year away from owning one. It’s a strange thing to strive for, but a huge milestone in life, buying your first car by yourself. I used to go to my friend’s apartments and look around and think “Compared to this, my place is a sardine can from the 70′s. I want an apartment to look like this, feel like a home, and be decorated like a magazine”. Today, I have a beautiful apartment, that’s decorated like a magazine. I always wanted to give to my parents, to have a nice place for them to stay when they come visit, to buy them nice things, and treat them to trips or dinners. I may not be 100% there, but it’s on the horizon. However, when I was twenty, all I dreamed about was having a good job, a good man, and enough money that I could afford to shop at Ann Taylor and Banana Republic almost exclusively. This is my reality, I can buy $40 capris and not feel it too much. So, the thing about dreams is that they change, so even if it feels like you’re always going backwards, you’re actually climbing up a ladder. If you can’t see the top, maybe you should look down, to see how far you’ve come.

Think back to your life five years ago, and how drastically different it was. Imagine yourself five years into the future, how accomplished you will be. Ambition and goals are probably one of the most valuable parts of a personality, but pride is too. It’s okay to pat yourself on the back, it’s okay to spend one second not tearing yourself down. Most of all, it’s okay to feel like you’ve succeed. Truthfully, none of us will ever be fully successful; our job as a partner will never end, our responsibility to pets and children will always exist, our continuos strive to be a better person is ongoing, there is no utopia of perfect that we’re trying to reach, but maybe if there was, success wouldn’t be fun. Knowing that the adventure lies ahead is what creates dreams into your reality.

 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 115 other followers