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Uncle Bob’s Closet – New Age Baby Products August 3, 2010

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Real World, Review, Shopping.
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What is wrong with this picture? Let’s begin with…everything.

It was about three weeks ago that I sat at work and logged onto yahoo.com to do a search, next thing I knew I was doubled over in my chair with my co-worker glaring past me at the screen, trying to understand why someone’s prosthetics were cradling a, seemingly, drugged up baby. It was a photo in a series of “most ridiculous baby products” photo reel and without hesitation I jumped into the article. The scary appendages are called “Zaky Pillows”, even the name sounds like a pedophile invented it. The purpose of the “pillows” are to easy the pressure of parents to always hold their new-born and help in sleeping habits and crying. Honestly, I’m no momma but if you chose to have a kid, damn it, hold them! One review was written by a woman who explained that, although, there is nothing like cradling your baby all day long these arms have helped her daughter stay quite when she needs step away to do things like load the laundry, answer the door or get the phone. Let me understand, you’re leaving your baby on the couch, unattended, while you go answer the door or load the washer? Well…THANK GOD for pillow arms because, gosh, I wouldn’t want you to seem like an incompetent parent or anything, phew! My personal favorite was this image, a little girl enjoying the “hands” that seem to twist and turn to just fit in all places…great. The best part is you don’t even need them to look human-like, they come in blue, pink and even green so your child can be raised by both humans and extra-terrestrials all for the small price of $49.95. Well gosh, this just makes me want to up and adopt a kid. I think my co-worker is still contemplating printing the photo and sticking it on our bulletin board.

Now, once your little one is out of infancy what do you do?! Those Zaky pillows will only be good for a short time, well, the baby product industry is one step ahead of you. Let’s talk about the Daddle.

Somewhere, someone in the porn industry has a niece and she came up with this idea when rummaging through Uncle Bobby’s closet. Next thing they knew they were millionaires. What man in their RIGHT mind would put this get-up on for the benefit of their child! What is not wrong about this, every which was you turn it this is disturbing! Yet people are still “intelligent” enough to put their credit card down to purchase this thing. Yes, we were all little kids once, who played horsey with their dad but, please, it was a five minute ride around the living room and then we went back to watching Nickelodeon and throwing Barbie’s at our little brother, it wasn’t a rodeo show that moved to the parent’s bedroom after the 11 o’clock news. People are sick…rich, but sick.

In conclusion, I’m still waiting for these next few years of my twenties to go by so I can have little babies of my own. However, I now know I will never let them near anyone who claims to sell children’s products. They’ll wear hemp over-alls and play with dolls made of straws. Oh, Thank God for the internet and all the new inventions I have viewing access to, makes the world a much scarier place. Awesome.

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