Why I’ll Never Be That B!t¢h January 24, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Friendships, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Relationships, Women.
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It was recently brought to my attention that I have been the B-word. Well, if you’re like me, you’ll take this one of two ways; you’ll laugh it off and agree that you need to simmer down, or you’ll be highly offended and confused. Look, at the end of the day, every girl is the B-word. We gossip, we judge, we use sarcasm as some weird sincere form of friendship induction, no one is innocent but we don’t actually mean to hurt anyone, you never actually mean any of it.
So, what do you do when someone tells you you do mean it? How do you react? Shock, awe, confusion, bewilderment are terms that come to mind but after the initial total loss of concept passes, you just feel defensive. People have different perceptions of b!t¢hiness, to some a simple lack of happy hour invitation qualifies, but for others it might be a deeper behavior, a bullying or a vindictive act. I can tell you one thing, I may not be everyone’s best friend, but vindictive is the last thing anyone can accuse me of. So, in thinking about it, and talking to some of my gal pals, I realized I’m not the only one who’s been wrongfully accused. There are a lot of us out there, girls who are confident and funny and maybe we command a little more attention because we are extroverted and like to have fun, but that doesn’t make us bad people, and that sure as hell doesn’t make us the B-word. So, for all my ladies out there who can relate, here is my side of the story: Why I’ll Never Be That B!t¢h
Growing up isn’t easy for most girls, or most adolescents for that matter, but we all have our own experiences with it. For me, I was disliked for the things I couldn’t control; I was tall, I was thin, I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain an ounce (how things have changed!), I had a lot of guys friends, by no effort of my own and so for all these reasons some girls didn’t like me. When I was a senior, I left high school to go pursue my dream of dancing, and even though I was still taking courses at home, my entire class turned their back on me. When I came back for homecoming, my old friends couldn’t even look me in the eye, even my ex-boyfriend, who had been infatuated with me long after we broke up, took their side. The only thing I wanted to do was eat a pizza with my friends on the school steps, and instead I not only got the cold shoulder, but threatening voicemails about how I didn’t belong and then an invitation to a fake party, when I arrived there was no party, but there was a lot of giggling at my expense.
So you graduate high school and for the most part things even out, and you don’t anticipate that will ever happy to you again. Until your 25 and working and all the girls in your department are planning an outing, in front of you, without you, not inviting you, and when you finally ask what their plans are thinking, “Oh, they probably just all think the other person invited me”, they tell you all about it and then ask what your plans are, because it’s clear you’re not coming, and they have no intention of inviting you. So you go home and cry your eyeballs out, as a grown woman, and you don’t understand why they don’t like you, and the worst part is, it’s high school all over again.
So answer me this, why would someone who has been through that, who knows the anxiety and agony of those feelings ever wish that, or impose that, on anyone else?
I like to empower other women, I like to learn from them and teach them what I’ve come to know. If I’m not friends with you, maybe we’re just different; If I don’t understand you, maybe we just see things from opposite perspectives; If we don’t get along, maybe that’s just because this is life. I will always be the bigger person, but just because I didn’t jump through a flaming hoop to make you comfortable with my personality doesn’t make me a bad person, and it doesn’t make me a mean girl.
Women will always have a hard time getting along, historically we always have, so we do our best and what comes of it comes of it. My greatest friends are girls! People grow from their experiences, and my experiences have taught me to be strong and strong-willed and live life, if that comes off as isolating someone then what I say to them is take this experience and let it mold you, teach you, help you grow, and allow you to find someone inside yourself that maybe you didn’t know you could be. We can sit and blame others for our sorrow, or our pain, or we can take that and make it better. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Older People Are Happier! January 21, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Humor, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Remember When, Traveling.
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iPhones, tablets, TV’s in our headrests. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pintrest. Poking, liking, friending, clicking, texting, editing, posting. We are a generation of people who don’t know what it means to be without technology, very few of us even remember cassette tapes, those of us who ever owned a record player feel fortunate, and we remembered fondly back to the days when a phone and a musical listening devices had zero to do with each other. It’s not that we’re spoiled, it’s just that sometimes we take everything we have in 2015 for granted. Let’s listen to this “old person” to remember where we came from and how lucky we are to have the world at our finger tips!
Follow the link to hear how we can be happier people in a funny, constructive and insightful way!
It’s Okay to Be a Girly Girl January 18, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Beauty, Fashion/Clothes, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Women.
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From our earliest days in the nursery we are raised in pink, purple and pastels. As we grow older we fall into lipstick, high heels, hair curlers, and little black dresses. Then, somewhere along the way, we start hearing about the “guy’s girl”, the girl who wears jeans and a baseball jersey to sit on the couch and drink beer while watching the game. Girls play sports, girls work in construction, girls run marathons and girls can finish that tallboy just about as fast as any grown man could. So, if girls can do anything, why do we sometimes feel uncomfortable just being who we are…a girl?
There are a lot of feminists out there that will tell us pink makes us weak. There are a lot of men out there who are looking for a girl who can throw on a hoodie and go for a hike. There are also a lot of females out there who will give you a dirty stare if you walk into a room with your 6-inch heels and chandelier earrings. It’s almost as if we’re only comfortable wearing our pretty dresses and false eyelashes when we’re in a room full of men, until the meat market looks start, then we’d much rather crawl into our flannel sweatpants and Winne the Pooh zip-up. When did being pretty become such a weird thing? Is Bravo TV the only place a woman can throw on her skinny jeans and wedges and walk around confidently with her Marc Jacobs?(okay, maybe using Bravo TV is just a bad example, but…). I call a personal foul on the whole world!
Here’s why pretty can make us better people; Sometimes shoes, or eyeshadow, or jewelry, or handbags aren’t there to get us noticed, they aren’t in our closet because we’re vain or materialistic, sometimes we buy and wear these things because they make us feel confident. Confidence comes from many places, so if your Sephora giftcard is all you’re relying on to make you feel strong, then you should probably spend a little longer on this website and read some deeper stuff, but sometimes all you need is a piece of chocolate to boost your spirits, and if that piece of chocolate comes in a cardboard box and has an rhinestone ankle strap, so be it! Looking good makes you feel good, and feeling good gives your inner ability to be strong and confident shine through then there’s nothing wrong with getting a little pretty every now and then. Even the process of being girly can give you an extra edge; picking out your outfit, taking a long hot shower, putting on your makeup, these are all little build-ups for the grand finale – the full ensemble.
As a women, it’s important to have an identity and it’s valuable to feel comfortable in all settings. You should never be someone you’re not, but you should also be open to experiencing different environments and seeing how you can flourish in them. Play touch football one day and then pull out the slinky red dress the next, it’ll keep the excitement in your relationships with others and with yourself. A dynamic personality is one that grows, and one that keeps growing. Many men or women may see dressing up or carrying a fancy handbag as being snobby or high maintenance, in their defense, many times this may be true, but if someone is thinking that of you just remind yourself that you’re a really great person, heels or no heels. You don’t want to surround yourself with people who do or do not want to be with you just for superficial reasons.
Being a girly girl doesn’t mean buying that Derek Jeter jersey in pink, it means embodying what women like Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly have set in place for us, as girls, so that we can enjoy all the benefits of being pretty and being a lady and feeling like every now and then, when we’re walking down the street and we know everyone is looking, in that tiny moment, maybe we do rule the world, just a little bit.
The Benefits of Being an Adult January 15, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Family, Finances, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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They say that with great power comes great responsibility. Well, I supposed that’s true, but I’m guessing many of us, myself included, wouldn’t really consider themselves to have great power, right? Wrong. Power has been feed to us as this majestic, magnificent thing, but the truth is as an adult you have a lot of power. The power to make decisions, the power to speak your mind, the power to have things, buy things, the power to help others. So with all the privilege and freedom being an adult comes with, you have also responsibility.
Responsibility can mean many things to many people; it can be taking care of others – children, pets, loved ones; it can be making sure you take care of yourself – support yourself, pay your bills, find a nice place to live. It can mean being successful – buying your first car, getting married, getting that promotion you’ve been working for. No matter how you define responsibility for yourself, know that being an adult comes with certain expectations, understanding that the world is bigger than you.
Responsibility means having the right to be the bigger person – perhaps something has happened at work that you’re not pleased with or perhaps part of your job has been reallocated to a different department. You can voice your concerns, you can state your position, but at the end of the day if your bosses decide something over you, take it with grace. Don’t huff and puff around the office, don’t continue to bring it up, don’t speak under your breath about how stupid you think it is. Why? Because you can’t be empowered if you don’t carry yourself in a respectful way, not just respectful to others, but respect to yourself.
Responsibility means taking the time to do something you don’t want to do, because it will help the greater good. Sure, tackling world peace is a good place to start, but smaller obstacles are too. Maybe your family is having a hard time getting together for the holiday, going out of your way to pick someone up from the airport, or help them search for an airline ticket, being outside of just your world. Explaining to the marketing department you’d like to stay late and help them work on the promotion because you want your clients to get the best deal. Whatever that something extra might be, it’s your responsibility to help achieve it. If you don’t do it, then you don’t have the right to complain about it.
Responsibility means dancing like no one is watching. It’s taking care of yourself because if you don’t who will? Sure, we all have parents, and significant others, and friends but if you’re going to take it upon yourself to work two jobs, finish school, make it to every friends birthday party and still find time to go to the gym, then you’re going to have to find time to lay in bed and watch a movie. Especially when you’re in your early twenties, it’s hard to say no. So, if you’re not going to say no, then make the time for yourself. It’s your job to make sure you is the best you you can be!
Being an adult comes with so many benefits – living alone, not having a curfew, voting, spending your own money on what you want when you want, dating and partying, so with all this privilege remember to not act like a baby. Just like with every job out there, you can’t have only the good parts but have to deal with the tough parts too. However, the thing about the tough parts, is that they make you tough so when you look back and you remember how hard some of it may have been, you can also be proud that you took the higher road, did the right thing, and you’ve turned out to be pretty A-okay, if not pretty awesome.
Making Life Choices…and Facing Hilarious Realities January 8, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Apartment Life, Cooking, Dating, Education, Fashion/Clothes, Finances, Friendships, Health and Fitness, Humor, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Real World, Relationships, Shopping, Tattoos/Piercings, Traveling, Women.
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Check out this great post about the Catch-22’s of being in your twenties! Grab a glass of wine, and laugh your bad day away – The 20 Catch-22s Of Being In Your 20’s, by Lauren Martin at the Elite Daily.
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“When you do what you’ve always done you get what you’ve always gotten.”, I’m not sure who said it first, but I sure as hell remember the first time I heard it. To me, this statement made so much sense, it was so logical, so true, but somehow so hard to see when you were on the “doing” end of it. It’s very easy to get lost in the shuffle, or drown in your own life of stress, and papers, and obligations. So, to answer so many of your questions – “What happened to DLIH?!”, this is the answer.
The great thing about the writers of this website is that we are growing; we are growing together, we are growing independently, we are growing with you, and with this site and, in turn, things are changing. While things do change for the better, there is a give and take, it’s a dynamic process. We were just trying to stay afloat in our lives, we were working as hard as we possibly could to find five minutes to write a quick article and what happened was weeks without a post, days without an update and just an overall stress about DLIH instead of the pleasure it had always been. So after much discussion, and a difficult decision, we decided the best thing to do was to take a break, a deep breath and start looking forward, not to the past. In 2012, we wrote an article about Taking a Comma , well, let’s say we took a page break ;).
The great news is, we’re back! We’re working hard to bring back the articles you love so much, we’re ready to listen to your thoughts and fears and offer what we can from life experience, humor, a little witty intuition to make your twenties suck a little less. When this website started, we were little 20-somethings, just trying to figure it out, now we’re grown-up, and big, and see our early-twenties friends and we want to help them and mold them into awesome adults! Evolution is awesome! Change is great! It’s not always easy, and the moral of the story is that you shouldn’t be afraid to tell everyone you need a minute to figure it out.
DLIH will be a little different, but that’s because we’re a little different – We used to talk about surviving your twenties, now, we’re living them, hell, we’re almost out of them! There won’t be as much “how to”, or “what if”, but so much more information, fun times and just general getting through life tidbits about being healthy, happy, and habitually phenomenal.
Things Your Little Sister Won’t Understand August 23, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Dating, Friendships, GoodGuys File, Humor, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File
When I was about twenty, I would run into a lot of jaded women who had nothing nice to say about men or relationships. “Oh, all that romantic stuff, that’ll end”, or “Ha!, you can never trust a man!” It always bothered me, I felt like, as someone who was younger, you would want to encourage me and teach me and allow me to grow, not just shoot me down and tell me to lower my expectations of relationships. I also didn’t believe what they told me, sure not every relationship is perfect, and sure some people have had bad experiences, but what about those couples celebrating their 40th year wedding anniversary, or that family with three under three and they are still so in love – it doesn’t have to turn bad and boring. However, now that I am the same age as those women, I also laugh at my former self. There is a very distinct line between thinking the world will be a perfect beautiful place, and then the truth of being in a relationship. I recently stumbled upon this gem – “24 Real Facts of Actual Couples…” I sat down and read it with some of my gal pals, also in relationships, and not only did we have a good, solid laugh, but we also almost threw up all over the place. This article was put together by someone who A. probably isn’t in a longterm real relationship or B. Doesn’t know what one is. So, we decided to combat this article and give you the actual REAL version of these 24 REAL couples. (more…)
The Pressure of Finding a Role Model August 18, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Education, Family, Following Your Dreams, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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“I want you to write a one page essay on the person in your life who inspires you.” If you haven’t heard that at least five times, then you surely didn’t go to school in America. Ever since we were children, we were groomed to, essentially, find someone to look up to. We’ve constantly been asked about who we look up to, who lights the fire under us, who we want to be like. Then, there’s me.
When I was a toddler I had two things on my mind, what to do and how to do it. There was no bad influence from the TV, there were no crazy ideas that I developed after watching someone else, everything I did, I did of my own volition. You could say, I was a super determined kid, and really self motivating. It would also be safe to say I never wanted to do things like everyone else did them, I wanted to find my own, unique way to go about it. So, when my very first English teacher asked me to talk about someone who inspired me, I didn’t really know what to say.
Everyone has people they admire for certain parts of their personality. You could say you are inspired by a person’s strength, courage, kindness, outgoing personality, a person’s ability to be fearless, and so on. You can also be moved by someone’s story, or feel driven by their accomplishments. To say that there is a person I owe my entire lifestyle to, well, that person would be me.
I know that sounds selfish, but it doesn’t come from a selfish place. I don’t have just one person to thank for where I am, but an entire list; there was not simply one person who inspired my career, and my dreams, there was an entire team; two people fed me, clothed me, and raised me with moral integrity and manners, but as a family, we learned together from our friends, our culture, and those close to us. I can’t say there is one person I look to for a map to my future, I want to write my own. Even now, in my twenties, people expect me to raise my children like someone else did, to live in a home that someone I admire has, to have the kind of job that my idol would; they keep asking, wondering who I’m modeling my life after. Why do they keep asking us to pick someone else to be like?
I like to think of my life, as a new building, I’m the architect, ever year you lay a new brick to build a room, and then the next room, and the next, and then you’ve built a floor, and you’re onto the next floor and so on. So, to me, I’m not modeling my life after anything but the blueprint in my head. The best part about this, is that my blueprint can change, I can erase lines, and build new walls, and change layouts without fear, because I’m not veering away from something that’s already been built for me.
If someone told me to paint a flower “like this”, I’d ask why. Why is there one way to do something? If you do it a different way, you’re a thinker, a creator, a visionary, and then suddenly everyone starts following you, and your footsteps instead if creating their own vision. If a little girl ever said to me “you’re my role model”, I’d say to her, “be your own role model, make mistakes and learn from them, try new things to find what you enjoy, and when you pick a path, build your road on your own terms, not on what you think I would do, or say, or feel. Take what you love about me, and apply it to who you want to be; take a little something from all the great people in life you meet, and become your own great kind of person.” When I look back on my life, I want to see a unique rainbow, the pattern may look similar to others, but the colors will be all my own.
How Reality TV Made Me a Happy Person August 13, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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For the majority of my life : 20+years, I’ve been a very negative person. It’s true, and for 19+ of those years, I was either unaware of it or didn’t want to see it. I talked a lot of being positive, and wanted to surround myself with happy people, but I, myself, couldn’t get past a wall of negativity that had been built since I was a kid. Negativity comes from a place of fear, or insecurity, or a non-willingness to just be open to the world. It’s also attributed to a level of stubbornness, and selfishness; it’s an energy-sucking, effort to actually make everything in your life glass-half-empty without even knowing you’re doing it. It’s like running the air conditioner with all the windows wide open.
Prior to a couple of months ago, I disagreed with everyone – if it wasn’t the way I lived my life, if it wasn’t something I believed in, if it wasn’t something I thought was appropriate, then it was wrong. I was a walking contradiction of what I told other people to not do. I’d see a show about, say, polygamy, and say “That’s horrible! I could never agree with that”, or be indulging in my guilty pleasure, Teen Mom, and think to myself “how stupid can these girls be?!”, and this was the mentality I carried through life. If I didn’t like what someone was wearing, I’d silently think to myself “Ew, are you serious?”, or if someone I worked with invited me to a keg-stand party, I’d judge them twenty-five ways to Monday. Then, about three months ago, everything changed.
Sometimes your life needs to implode on you before it can expand. It was like a balloon that was too full of air exploding,everywhere, into a million little pieces. Having this breakdown, everything I had been holding in for years came flooding out, and all these realizations about myself came flooding in. It was like a cereal bowl of anger, resentment, honesty, admittance, self-depreciation. What this did was release everything that had been holding me back, for years I told people “I’m super sarcastic…if you can’t have a sarcastic conversation with me, we can’t be friends.” but I wasn’t sarcastic, I was nasty; plain and simple. You can be funny, without being mean. It was amazing, because suddenly nothing bothered me, nothing. I had this mind as open as a field, for miles.
So, how does reality TV fall into all of this? Well, many people out there may believe that reality TV is a form of exploitation, or invasion of privacy, and maybe I agree with that to an extent. I wouldn’t call myself a fan, but I wouldn’t go as far as saying I don’t watch the stuff. What I learned was that people are people, at face value, and when you judge someone the only person you are hurting is yourself, and you’re contributing to this ugly part of society, a part I don’t want to be a member of. I think if I met a teen mom, or a rich housewife, or a man who has three wives, or a little person, or a home chef tomorrow, I would take them as a person, for who they are, and I would appreciate that their life is unique to mine, that it is different. I wouldn’t judge them for who they are or who they are not or what they believe in. What someone does, in their private time, on-screen or off, is not a reflection of how someone expects you to live your life. I think there are a lot of people out there who are kind, caring, wonderful people, but they are judged and we miss out on knowing a great person. When you look at the news these days, all you hear about is judgement – countries feuding, politicians fighting, organizations blasting other organizations, I don’t want to be part of this side of our world, nor do I want my future children to feel that is acceptable. I think reality TV taught me that it is not only okay to be different, but it’s okay to speak out, and it’s okay to be friends with someone who’s actions or beliefs you don’t agree with 100%. Maybe my nation doesn’t like your nation, but I’m a nice person, and you’re a nice person, and I think the more of us out there who believe this, the stronger we will be.
Ever since my negative bubble burst, I have felt so much happier, volumes happier. I didn’t even know I wasn’t happy! I feel lighter, I feel like I’m a nicer person, I feel like I am more open to new experiences and seeing different things, that I may have previously dismissed. I feel calmer. I feel like I can allow myself more things because I am more at ease with my life; maybe I’ll have a third glass of wine, or maybe I’ll spend an extra 30min stretching at the gym because it’s relaxing; and when bad things happen I realize that six months ago I would have probably thrown something at someone, and now, I can move on much easier. I think realizing there is an entire world out there (with the understanding that “knowing” and “realizing” are two different things), makes me want to be more open, because I don’t want to miss out on any of the good parts of life.
Older people almost always tell you the same thing – I wish I had spent more time just enjoying my life, and not sweating the small stuff. I don’t want to start doing that when I’m 60, I’d like to live that lifestyle now. I know that means I might not make as much money, or have as nice of a car, or do every single thing I have aimed to do, but if it means I can be happier, with a higher quality of life, then what’s the negative in that?
Things New Yorkers Dream Of August 9, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Apartment Life, Around Chicago, Around NYC, Following Your Dreams, Humor, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Moving, Shopping.
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You may have noticed it’s been a little while since anything new has surfaced at DLIH; if you’ve been reading for a while, you’ll also remember that almost this time last year DLIH made it’s long and exciting move from the bustling city of New York to Chicago. When you get older, your desires for how you want to exist change, you make choices about where you want to live and how you want to structure your life. Your age changes, and so does your quality of life. Chicago was a quality of life move, and while New York is still the most bad-ass, capital of the entire universe, moving can give the opportunities that are sometimes impossible elsewhere. So, if you’re wondering why DLIH has been a little more silent than usual…well, you could say that SK has been spending a little bit of time enjoying the things she always dreamed of.
Running through your apartment…and not hitting any walls. Moving is relentless, it always finds a way to go wrong, or take forever, or cost you your soul. Living in New York, there are generally three main things you need to take into account; distance to public transportation, rent, and how shady the neighborhood might be. Size, really isn’t an objective since size and rent are proportionate to one another. You get what you get, and you don’t get upset, and you hang lots of shelves and make lots of storage units to house all the things you just don’t have room for. Until you get a place that lets you chase your cat all over the place without hitting a wall, or tripping over a shoe, and has a kitchen you can actually cook Thanksgiving in, and not just try to.
Trying to figure out what to do with you empty closest, and by closets, we don’t mean spare bedrooms. Actual closets. That are empty. And you actually don’t have stuff to put in them. And you wonder what you would possibly even buy to put in them. Staying with that theme – kitchen cupboards that needs more of the “cup” part and less of the “board”.
Doing your own laundry, in your own washer and dryer, in your own apartment, and it’s free. You don’t need to climb flights of stairs, you don’t need to run back to make sure no one steals your unmentionables, you don’t need to go to the nearest convenience store to get change for a dollar and you don’t need to lug it all back home. It’s just there! You can wash one thing, you can wash fifty!
Driving in a car you own! For people who are not from New York, let me educate you, many teenagers who are raised in Manhattan don’t learn to drive, and those who do, rarely actually exercise that talent. You don’t need to because public transit will get you anywhere, and with the traffic and aggressiveness of driving, you don’t really want to. Second point, owning a car in the city is dirty expensive – between parking, the nicks and dings, and I would assume city taxes alone, it’s not at all profitable – plus gas, not just paying for it, but having to find it. Let me tell you – the first time you drive your own car, to the grocery store, and get everything you need, and put it in the trunk, and then simply carry it back to your fridge, your head will explode with joy. [insert head exploding sound here]
So, it’s been an amazing couple of weeks outside of the DLIH world, but fear not loyal readers – we’re still here, with just a little more space to work with :)