Things Your Little Sister Won’t Understand August 23, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Dating, Friendships, GoodGuys File, Humor, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File
When I was about twenty, I would run into a lot of jaded women who had nothing nice to say about men or relationships. “Oh, all that romantic stuff, that’ll end”, or “Ha!, you can never trust a man!” It always bothered me, I felt like, as someone who was younger, you would want to encourage me and teach me and allow me to grow, not just shoot me down and tell me to lower my expectations of relationships. I also didn’t believe what they told me, sure not every relationship is perfect, and sure some people have had bad experiences, but what about those couples celebrating their 40th year wedding anniversary, or that family with three under three and they are still so in love – it doesn’t have to turn bad and boring. However, now that I am the same age as those women, I also laugh at my former self. There is a very distinct line between thinking the world will be a perfect beautiful place, and then the truth of being in a relationship. I recently stumbled upon this gem – “24 Real Facts of Actual Couples…” I sat down and read it with some of my gal pals, also in relationships, and not only did we have a good, solid laugh, but we also almost threw up all over the place. This article was put together by someone who A. probably isn’t in a longterm real relationship or B. Doesn’t know what one is. So, we decided to combat this article and give you the actual REAL version of these 24 REAL couples.
1. Steal his towel – Yes, this is a very cute idea, who doesn’t love a fuzzy, warm towel, but no one is going to do this. This one guy, who gave this one tip, is going to do this. A more realistic approach? While your significant other is showering, do something else to help them, like get their coffee ready, or set their shoes out so that when they are out of the shower, they have to work just a little bit less in the AM.
2. Stop saying sorry, and start saying thank you – I think this is great advice. In a relationship, it’s very hard to learn to be grateful after that initial honeymoon phase. However, I think it is TWICE as hard to say sorry. This tip begins with “When you say, “Sorry for being a jerk,” the other person is forced to either call you a jerk, or say it wasn’t a big deal”. No, that is so not true! When you say “I am sorry I was rude to you”, the other person should say “Thank you for apologizing, that means a lot to me.” and move past it. If you don’t learn how to say sorry as a couple, you won’t be a couple much longer.
3. Make time for one another, even if it means giving up sleep – this point is very cute, and I don’t think it’s a horrible idea. It’s not the tip I disagree with, it’s the title. Unless you’re in a household where one of you doesn’t work, I don’t think you should sacrifice sleep; Just because he gets up at 5:30am, does that discount the fact that I get up at 8am and also have a 9 hour work day? Instead, make time for one another to do simple things together like snuggle on the couch before the early bird needs to go to bed, or meet one another at the train stop, so you can walk home together. Also, on a real note, if I asked my boyfriend to get up at 5am for me, I’d get a pillow thrown to the face – and so would any other girl in a normal relationship. Laugh about it.
4. Take random pictures when they’re not looking – sure, why not. Do this. Ain’t gonna hurt. Just don’t expect every man/women you date to do this, it shouldn’t be something that makes or breaks your relationship. It’s an added bonus if they do; not a requirement.
5. Dance with her – again, sure, do this. There is nothing wrong with this…but ladies, set your expectations, don’t resent your man if this isn’t something he does all the time, or isn’t comfortable with. Life is not The Notebook, and you can have a very happy and amazing relationship without these things.
6. Keeps lists of things they like – It is nice to get people things they like just because, without needing a special occasion. I don’t know that you need to go as far as writing a list, because it will come naturally. But this is a great point, relationships grow with the little signs of effort, not always the big, grandiose ones.
7. Get his toothbrush ready for him - this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. A. I don’t want ANYONE touching my toothbrush, gross! B. NO one is going to do this for you! Kudos to this guy and his dad, but please don’t rate who you’re dating based on if they prep your toothbrush for you. No one does this!
8. Set igloo time – or fort time, or cuddle time, or run around together time. It’s important to be together, what you do doesn’t necessarily matter, as long as you are doing it as a team. We approve this tip.
10. Put love letters in a box with wine – I was APPALLED by this point. The idea is cute, but when you read the description it’s totally backwards. So, when you are in a huge fight, the first thing you think of doing is drinking wine and reading love letters to one another? If the fight is that bad, I’d probably smash the bottle of wine and tear up the letters. It’s just a really stupid point. Also, you’re mad at someone and you say “hey, can you get me the hammer so I can open this box?”,no, you don’t. Instead of trying to find ways around fighting, learn how to fight together and learn how to communicate, learn how to say sorry and move past things, not hold grudges against one another. Drinking while fighting can also make things worse! This is horrible advice for young lovers! The best thing you can do in a fight, is learn how to speak to one another, be open about feelings and listen to the other person and hear what they are saying.
11. Stash duplicate gifts – again, a cute idea, but not very realistic. If you don’t live together, you are investing in something when you aren’t even sure if you’ll be together forever, then you’re carrying this extra gift around every time you move. If you are living together, good luck with that! Hiding gifts is an art when you live with your significant other.
12. Be a jerk, but not really – I like the story in this point, it’s very cute and very doable. Shows that you really do care! However, again, I hate the title – don’t ever be a jerk to the person you’re with, whether you’re joking or not. It’s mean.
13. Leave little notes – anything that shows a little extra effort always makes people feel special; even people who are just your friends or family. Very cute, and very great advice.
14. Randomly take her parent’s to lunch – if you’re married! Oh my gosh! If I called my boyfriend and he said “Oh, I’m just out to lunch with your parents” I’d freak out! Unless you’ve known that person’s parents for years and years and years, this really isn’t normal behavior.
15. Give yourself the short-end of the stick sometimes – this is simply called “don’t be selfish”. Relationships are a two-way streets, a give and take, it’s not about short-ends of any sticks, it’s just about being selfless.
16. Share a show – also called igloo time? apparently?
17. Cook together – this is great advice and something most couples do; and I’m glad the article didn’t include anything weird and dreamy about suddenly making out on the counter or holding hands while someone flips pancakes, phew!
18. When dinner is ready, the phone is off – I do think it’s hard nowadays to separate from our devices; but it’s not just dinner, make sure that when you’re leading lady or prince charming is talking to you you’re not all over your Facebook. At the same time, when you’ve been together for a while, there are ways to ask “Hey, could you put that down for a second” and also times when it’s okay, you know that they’re just reading a work e-mail, or checking a quick text.
19. Give away the last bite – another sweet point that normal couples do. Do it. Plus, it involves food, so that can’t be bad!
20. Do chores because they matter to them – this is a tough one. I think it’s wonderful to come home to a clean home, without having to ask. Again, this falls into categories of selflessness, communication, and simply appreciating one another, doing the little things. When you’re in a healthy relationship, these extra efforts fall in line with your thought processes. It’s not fun to do the dishes if you hate it, but the other person is more important to you than the ten minutes it will take to do the dishes.
21. Have your own hobbies – aka, space. Do it. Even if you don’t want to. It will save your future together.
22. Have fun together – if you can’t have fun together, everything else will be harder to. So, don’t forget how to be silly with one another.
23. Make time for intimacy – yes, this is super important. However, I’m not sure about this chatting naked thing. If that works for you, then that’s cool, but intimacy is many things. When you’ve been together for a while, you tend to hold hands less, hug less, so make a special note to do those things and keep that fire alive. A deep conversation, clothes or not, is intimacy, it’s things you might not talk about with anyone else. Don’t always force yourself to go for gold, just spend time together and make the effort.
24. (I’m tired! who thought 24 points was the number to get to!) Listen - All I can say about this one is go back to that silly wine box idea – communicate, express your feelings, listen and be there for one another. Everything else, all this silly stuff, it will fall in line if you want it to and if you’re with the right person. Stop trying to make things into a romantic comedy, and start appreciating your partner. When you see someone for who they are, and all the things you love about them, you want to do these things for them, with them, and about them. It can be so simple, and so happy. It’s not easy, but it doesn’t have to be hard.
The Pressure of Finding a Role Model August 18, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Education, Family, Following Your Dreams, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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“I want you to write a one page essay on the person in your life who inspires you.” If you haven’t heard that at least five times, then you surely didn’t go to school in America. Ever since we were children, we were groomed to, essentially, find someone to look up to. We’ve constantly been asked about who we look up to, who lights the fire under us, who we want to be like. Then, there’s me.
When I was a toddler I had two things on my mind, what to do and how to do it. There was no bad influence from the TV, there were no crazy ideas that I developed after watching someone else, everything I did, I did of my own volition. You could say, I was a super determined kid, and really self motivating. It would also be safe to say I never wanted to do things like everyone else did them, I wanted to find my own, unique way to go about it. So, when my very first English teacher asked me to talk about someone who inspired me, I didn’t really know what to say.
Everyone has people they admire for certain parts of their personality. You could say you are inspired by a person’s strength, courage, kindness, outgoing personality, a person’s ability to be fearless, and so on. You can also be moved by someone’s story, or feel driven by their accomplishments. To say that there is a person I owe my entire lifestyle to, well, that person would be me.
I know that sounds selfish, but it doesn’t come from a selfish place. I don’t have just one person to thank for where I am, but an entire list; there was not simply one person who inspired my career, and my dreams, there was an entire team; two people fed me, clothed me, and raised me with moral integrity and manners, but as a family, we learned together from our friends, our culture, and those close to us. I can’t say there is one person I look to for a map to my future, I want to write my own. Even now, in my twenties, people expect me to raise my children like someone else did, to live in a home that someone I admire has, to have the kind of job that my idol would; they keep asking, wondering who I’m modeling my life after. Why do they keep asking us to pick someone else to be like?
I like to think of my life, as a new building, I’m the architect, ever year you lay a new brick to build a room, and then the next room, and the next, and then you’ve built a floor, and you’re onto the next floor and so on. So, to me, I’m not modeling my life after anything but the blueprint in my head. The best part about this, is that my blueprint can change, I can erase lines, and build new walls, and change layouts without fear, because I’m not veering away from something that’s already been built for me.
If someone told me to paint a flower “like this”, I’d ask why. Why is there one way to do something? If you do it a different way, you’re a thinker, a creator, a visionary, and then suddenly everyone starts following you, and your footsteps instead if creating their own vision. If a little girl ever said to me “you’re my role model”, I’d say to her, “be your own role model, make mistakes and learn from them, try new things to find what you enjoy, and when you pick a path, build your road on your own terms, not on what you think I would do, or say, or feel. Take what you love about me, and apply it to who you want to be; take a little something from all the great people in life you meet, and become your own great kind of person.” When I look back on my life, I want to see a unique rainbow, the pattern may look similar to others, but the colors will be all my own.
How Reality TV Made Me a Happy Person August 13, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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For the majority of my life : 20+years, I’ve been a very negative person. It’s true, and for 19+ of those years, I was either unaware of it or didn’t want to see it. I talked a lot of being positive, and wanted to surround myself with happy people, but I, myself, couldn’t get past a wall of negativity that had been built since I was a kid. Negativity comes from a place of fear, or insecurity, or a non-willingness to just be open to the world. It’s also attributed to a level of stubbornness, and selfishness; it’s an energy-sucking, effort to actually make everything in your life glass-half-empty without even knowing you’re doing it. It’s like running the air conditioner with all the windows wide open.
Prior to a couple of months ago, I disagreed with everyone – if it wasn’t the way I lived my life, if it wasn’t something I believed in, if it wasn’t something I thought was appropriate, then it was wrong. I was a walking contradiction of what I told other people to not do. I’d see a show about, say, polygamy, and say “That’s horrible! I could never agree with that”, or be indulging in my guilty pleasure, Teen Mom, and think to myself “how stupid can these girls be?!”, and this was the mentality I carried through life. If I didn’t like what someone was wearing, I’d silently think to myself “Ew, are you serious?”, or if someone I worked with invited me to a keg-stand party, I’d judge them twenty-five ways to Monday. Then, about three months ago, everything changed.
Sometimes your life needs to implode on you before it can expand. It was like a balloon that was too full of air exploding,everywhere, into a million little pieces. Having this breakdown, everything I had been holding in for years came flooding out, and all these realizations about myself came flooding in. It was like a cereal bowl of anger, resentment, honesty, admittance, self-depreciation. What this did was release everything that had been holding me back, for years I told people “I’m super sarcastic…if you can’t have a sarcastic conversation with me, we can’t be friends.” but I wasn’t sarcastic, I was nasty; plain and simple. You can be funny, without being mean. It was amazing, because suddenly nothing bothered me, nothing. I had this mind as open as a field, for miles.
So, how does reality TV fall into all of this? Well, many people out there may believe that reality TV is a form of exploitation, or invasion of privacy, and maybe I agree with that to an extent. I wouldn’t call myself a fan, but I wouldn’t go as far as saying I don’t watch the stuff. What I learned was that people are people, at face value, and when you judge someone the only person you are hurting is yourself, and you’re contributing to this ugly part of society, a part I don’t want to be a member of. I think if I met a teen mom, or a rich housewife, or a man who has three wives, or a little person, or a home chef tomorrow, I would take them as a person, for who they are, and I would appreciate that their life is unique to mine, that it is different. I wouldn’t judge them for who they are or who they are not or what they believe in. What someone does, in their private time, on-screen or off, is not a reflection of how someone expects you to live your life. I think there are a lot of people out there who are kind, caring, wonderful people, but they are judged and we miss out on knowing a great person. When you look at the news these days, all you hear about is judgement – countries feuding, politicians fighting, organizations blasting other organizations, I don’t want to be part of this side of our world, nor do I want my future children to feel that is acceptable. I think reality TV taught me that it is not only okay to be different, but it’s okay to speak out, and it’s okay to be friends with someone who’s actions or beliefs you don’t agree with 100%. Maybe my nation doesn’t like your nation, but I’m a nice person, and you’re a nice person, and I think the more of us out there who believe this, the stronger we will be.
Ever since my negative bubble burst, I have felt so much happier, volumes happier. I didn’t even know I wasn’t happy! I feel lighter, I feel like I’m a nicer person, I feel like I am more open to new experiences and seeing different things, that I may have previously dismissed. I feel calmer. I feel like I can allow myself more things because I am more at ease with my life; maybe I’ll have a third glass of wine, or maybe I’ll spend an extra 30min stretching at the gym because it’s relaxing; and when bad things happen I realize that six months ago I would have probably thrown something at someone, and now, I can move on much easier. I think realizing there is an entire world out there (with the understanding that “knowing” and “realizing” are two different things), makes me want to be more open, because I don’t want to miss out on any of the good parts of life.
Older people almost always tell you the same thing – I wish I had spent more time just enjoying my life, and not sweating the small stuff. I don’t want to start doing that when I’m 60, I’d like to live that lifestyle now. I know that means I might not make as much money, or have as nice of a car, or do every single thing I have aimed to do, but if it means I can be happier, with a higher quality of life, then what’s the negative in that?
Things New Yorkers Dream Of August 9, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Apartment Life, Around Chicago, Around NYC, Following Your Dreams, Humor, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Moving, Shopping.
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You may have noticed it’s been a little while since anything new has surfaced at DLIH; if you’ve been reading for a while, you’ll also remember that almost this time last year DLIH made it’s long and exciting move from the bustling city of New York to Chicago. When you get older, your desires for how you want to exist change, you make choices about where you want to live and how you want to structure your life. Your age changes, and so does your quality of life. Chicago was a quality of life move, and while New York is still the most bad-ass, capital of the entire universe, moving can give the opportunities that are sometimes impossible elsewhere. So, if you’re wondering why DLIH has been a little more silent than usual…well, you could say that SK has been spending a little bit of time enjoying the things she always dreamed of.
Running through your apartment…and not hitting any walls. Moving is relentless, it always finds a way to go wrong, or take forever, or cost you your soul. Living in New York, there are generally three main things you need to take into account; distance to public transportation, rent, and how shady the neighborhood might be. Size, really isn’t an objective since size and rent are proportionate to one another. You get what you get, and you don’t get upset, and you hang lots of shelves and make lots of storage units to house all the things you just don’t have room for. Until you get a place that lets you chase your cat all over the place without hitting a wall, or tripping over a shoe, and has a kitchen you can actually cook Thanksgiving in, and not just try to.
Trying to figure out what to do with you empty closest, and by closets, we don’t mean spare bedrooms. Actual closets. That are empty. And you actually don’t have stuff to put in them. And you wonder what you would possibly even buy to put in them. Staying with that theme – kitchen cupboards that needs more of the “cup” part and less of the “board”.
Doing your own laundry, in your own washer and dryer, in your own apartment, and it’s free. You don’t need to climb flights of stairs, you don’t need to run back to make sure no one steals your unmentionables, you don’t need to go to the nearest convenience store to get change for a dollar and you don’t need to lug it all back home. It’s just there! You can wash one thing, you can wash fifty!
Driving in a car you own! For people who are not from New York, let me educate you, many teenagers who are raised in Manhattan don’t learn to drive, and those who do, rarely actually exercise that talent. You don’t need to because public transit will get you anywhere, and with the traffic and aggressiveness of driving, you don’t really want to. Second point, owning a car in the city is dirty expensive – between parking, the nicks and dings, and I would assume city taxes alone, it’s not at all profitable – plus gas, not just paying for it, but having to find it. Let me tell you – the first time you drive your own car, to the grocery store, and get everything you need, and put it in the trunk, and then simply carry it back to your fridge, your head will explode with joy. [insert head exploding sound here]
So, it’s been an amazing couple of weeks outside of the DLIH world, but fear not loyal readers – we’re still here, with just a little more space to work with :)
We Want the Fairytale July 23, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File
Ross and Rachel. The Notebook. Marshall and Lily. Carrie and Big. Moulin Rouge. Cory and Topanga. Jim and Pam. Titanic. Romeo and Juliet. We idolize them, these fairytales, these couples that make our realities seem feasible and attainable. It’s not that we put a sheath over our eyes and pretend that all is perfect, and all will be perfect, but at the end of the day, it’s what every girl wants.
When you first start to like someone, or date someone, there are all these butterflies and exciting feelings running through your bloodstream. Every date is a new adventure, every night your head hits the pillow, so does your smile. It’s a very joyous time, and it fills us with hope and some blind ideas of what our life could be like in a couple of years; white picket fences and all that jazz. After that, one of two things happens, it turns sour and you break-up, or it turns out great and you stay together. After a some months, excitement turns more into pride, like you are so proud to say you’ve been in this relationship for a long time and you want to show your significant other off like a trophy. Having them pick you up from work, meet you for lunch, or attend your bosses dinner is like a badge of honor. If you’ve been dating a year or two, everything is more like routine, not to say you don’t love one another, not to go as far as saying your life is boring, but let’s face it, if you left your pump on a staircase your boyfriend would probably just yell out “Hey, moron, you did it again!…Come get your shoe, silly!”
It sounds crazy, because we bury it deep inside, but girls, we want a fairytale. We know that things will become routine, we know that life won’t be perfect, and the only time it’s even acceptable to wear a tiara is maybe on your wedding (…and even then, questionable), but we want the moments that we can tell our future children about. That time that he surprised you with dinner at your favorite restaurant when you thought you were just going to a friend’s place for drinks; that necklace he got you for christmas, the one you had been dropping hints about for months; that day she came home with flowers, just because. Not every girl, not every women, but for the most part, we want cheesiness. For many of us, it’s hard to admit, it’s like some kind of anti-feminist defeat – “Ew, proposals on the end of a dock surrounded by lilies, so lame” but inside, even if it’s very far inside, we’re more like “OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, THAT’S SO PRETTY! SO SWEET! I WANT! AHHHH”. Let’s stop kidding ourselves here. We like it when men write us poems, even though they are really, really bad. We like it when our girlfriend or boyfriend make us a picture book of all our best memories, even though everyone does it.
No one wants to meet someone, have all those giddy feelings, and then just decide “Yup, he’s the one. So now my life can go back to being dull and lifeless.” Of course not! Romance is something everyone craves, romantic comedies are dumb, but we watch them – over, and over, and over, and over. Find that little girl, watching Cinderella all wide-eyed, and never let her go…and most of all, find a partner that loves that little girl too. Dreams can come true, sometimes it just takes a little nudging in the right direction.
The Treasure Hunt for Good Friends July 14, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Friendships, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships.
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Confession time: I’ve always had a hard time finding friends. I don’t really mean people to hang out with, or people to talk to, I’m not talking lonely kid at the lunch table syndrome, I mean real friends. I also used to think that I was the only one with this problem. It would be a friday night and no matter who I texted to get drinks with, they were all occupied with parties, movies, outings, everything that didn’t include me. It always seemed that I had a million great people around me, but when I needed them most, they were nowhere to be found. Now that I’m a little older, and a little wiser (hm…debatable), I know that other people feel this too, this hole in their life that can’t ever seem to be filled.
You ever look at those girls with, like, twelve best girlfriends, and you’re like “How?!”. Even when you think you’re on the right track, you’re not. You think you’re so close to people, you laugh together, you cry together, and then six months later you can barely get them to answer a text, or their response to your five paragraph email is a two liner about how they were “So happy to hear from you”. The people at work will spend an extended lunch hour with you, tell you about their problems and their triumphs in their personal life, but when you ask them to hangout on the weekend, it seems like they’re always busy. Then, there are those friends who are great, and do hang out with you, and tell you that they’re glad you guys are closer now, until the first day they stand you up. Then, it’s like a parade of canceling on you – coffee, drinks, dinner, meeting you at the gym, lunch; it’s one thing after another and frankly, you’re tired of all of it. I know now that it isn’t just me, that people out there are giant flakes who don’t understand how they make other people feel when they simply can’t keep a coffee date.
It makes it hard to want to make friends. You have your core group of two or five people who are always there for you, but everyone else just falls to the wayside. All you want is someone to go to the new chick-flick with, but everyone already has a girlfriend who they’ve committed to going with. What are you supposed to say? “No! You should go with me!”, of course not, you tell them you totally get it, and maybe next time it’ll work out. People don’t necessarily do it on purpose, it’s not about not wanting to hang out with you, it’s about being in a different circle that you just don’t happen to be a part of, so you can’t even be mad at them. Why keep trying when you keep getting dumped on? Why keep putting yourself in that position?
Know that what people appear to have on the outside, may not be what is actually going on. That girl with a million friends, maybe she’s just trying to make it work, and really, she’s not happy. That guy with the best buds in the world, maybe he’s just trying to hold on to college, when all his friends are getting married and having kids. Things aren’t always what they appear so don’t judge yourself compared to others. Some people have had the same friends since kindergarten, some will meet their besties in college, and for you, for you maybe your solid friends are coming later in life. Don’t put so much pressure on it and when you are lonely on that Saturday afternoon; find things that you enjoy and schedule your life for you, and your happiness. Step one is always loving yourself first, so love yourself and the life long friends will come.
Follow Your Dreams…No Matter When July 9, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Arts/Theater, Following Your Dreams, How To, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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I remember when a guy I was sort-of dating first introduced me as “she used to be a dancer”. It’s a good thing he didn’t see my face, because I think it was a mix of shock and complete anger. Yes, this is no longer my career. Yes, I now have expanded my resume. Yes, it’s not what my business cards say. But I, in every way, shape and form am still a dancer! It’s a part of my being, my personality, who I am and how I think. Still, I had to face the reality, it was hard to call me that, when I wasn’t spending 10am-8pm in a dance studio anymore.
Remember when you were seven years old and asked what you wanted to be when you grew up? One week it was a veterinarian, the next it was a fireman, then a gymnast who would go out he Olympics and also a mommy or a daddy, or a horse farmer, or a purple rainbow catcher, or a pineapple trader. Well, your dreams in your twenties are just like that, but more along the lines of wanting to make good money, have a great apartment, like your job, have a comforting relationship, make awesome friends, have a stellar career, and so forth. The enchilada, the whole damn enchilada. Then, once you start getting all these things, something really unexpected happens, and you realize how unhappy you are. At twenty-three nothing seems grander than a fancy apartment with your significant other and a dog, but sometimes what we do to get those things means giving up something else. Sometimes, the things we give up are the most important.
If you’re lucky enough your career and passion are one in the same, but for many of us, that’s not that case and we have to make the time and effort to follow our dreams. I always thought that going back to dancing seemed futile later in life. After getting a degree, building a professional name for myself, creating a relationship and making money. It felt like it would only be a hobby and not a focus, but slowly, I began to feel dull, lifeless, like I was missing a huge part of myself. I felt like someone had grabbed my very arm off my body and run away with it. I realized that I had been working so hard at life, I had forgotten what was truly important, being happy. There are going to be a lot of years in your life you can’t be truly happy and truly successful, and sacrifice is important, but once you are on the right trajectory, and you are starting to achieve normalcy again, it’s important to feel like you again. If you were always a marathon runner, pick a 5K to train for; if you used to teach acting too little kids, volunteer at a day camp for a couple of weeks. Getting back into the swing can be hard, overwhelming, and time-consuming; it can actually be scary, when you aren’t sure of the outcome or even know if you’re still capable of doing whatever it is you do, but once you put on that dance shoe, or take that photograph, or cook that first desert, it’s like you feel like you’re home.
The career of a dancer starts at about seventeen, and by twenty-seven you’re already considered old. Had I known at seventeen what I know now, perhaps I would have made some different choices, but you can’t regret the mistakes or decisions you made because they lead you to where you are today. You would not be going back to what you love, had you never left it. For many, discovering what they love happens in their twenties, a simple art class or team building retreat can open up new worlds for people. Now is the time, before kids, before mortgages, before there’s another college to pay for, to get into a habit of following your dreams too. Be realistic, you’re never going to be an NBA player, but there are plenty of leagues and teams out there looking for a good shot!
“She turned her can’ts into cans, and her dreams in plans.” What I’ve learned, which I wish I had known at ten, and sixteen, and twenty, and twenty-two was that the most important thing in life is to have dreams. They may not bubble to the surface in the exact way you thought, but the more you learn about life, the more ways you find to make them work. The only person who can do that is you, so never let go of your dreams, and never let anyone take them away from you. In whatever form they may come, they are yours, and yours to concur.
Remember When – You Didn’t Worry About THESE Things? July 5, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Beauty, Family, Humor, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Remember When.
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Remember when you didn’t think about these things…and now, they’re part of your conscious thought processes? Sorry, twenty-somethings, life is only going to get harder from here on in, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it. First step to enjoyment? Laughter. Grab a glass of wine, and join our club of self-pity and “Oh my gosh! I do that!” moments.
Here are the “Remember When You Didn’t Worry About…”‘s
Remember when you didn’t worry about…
…Who to invite? As you get older, you meet more people, some you like, some you don’t, some you used to like and now you don’t. Likewise, the older you get, the more events you encounter – job promotions, engagements, weddings, anniversaries. When you were seven, and it was your birthday, all your cousins and neighbors and classmates came, now, it’s a russian roulette of who you don’t invite. Stacey is a serious gossip and a backstabber, so you don’t want her to be part of your event, but then she’ll be the only person in your office you’re not inviting to your wedding. You haven’t seen Uncle John in nine years, and no one in your family likes him, but your cousin is the one who got you you’re new job, so, now you’re just going to spend the entire party worry about him not insulting one of your friends. Worst of all…the events that you get invited to. “Did they invite me because they want me to come, or because it was the right thing to do? Do I want to go? And if I don’t, is that rude? Should I feel bad? If I go, how much money will this cost me? Will I know anyone there?”…so many questions. What happened to the simplicity of Chuck E Cheese?
…Your weight. AND stamina…AND skin…AND complexion…AND heartburn? So gross! When we were sixteen, and nineteen, and twenty-one, we could stay up all night doing shots, wake up the next morning at nine, pop a Gatorade and some doughnuts and be in class or at work, looking, more or less, normal. Now, two glasses of wine put you out for 24 hours, not eating a solid breakfast puts you at the top of the stairs out of breath, things like “skin care creams” and “anti-aging serums” are now things you are considering buying, and when you see commercials for Prilosec or Tums you wonder “eh, I should pick some up next time I’m buying nail polish remover”. What happened?! You’re only 28 and these are things you’re dealing with. Defeated by age, aren’t we still supposed to be considered young?!
…Retirement. Not to say it feels any closer than it did five years ago, but not thinking about it is no longer an option. Your HR department hands you a 401K form, or your father insists you open your Roth IRA next time he’s in town, or your banker starts asking you questions about loans, mortgage plans, and how all these will affect your life after your career. You’re still figuring out how to pay off your student loans without having to live in a an apartment the size of a closet. Thinking about retirement is super depressing when you haven’t even gotten knee-deep in your career, or you’re still figuring out which direction you want to go in…but everyone wants to know what you plan to do for money when you’re 65. “How about, what am I planning to do for money next month?”
….About how old child stars were? When we were kids, we loved seeing Jonathan Taylor Thomas as a strapping teenager, or the kids of Dawson’s Creek growing up, and making movies. Dakota Fanning is twenty. Yup, she is twenty. Have a big gulp of wine…if you didn’t feel old yet, you do now, right? Oh, by the way, JTT is 32. You’re welcome.
…Which school district is good? Even though you’re still un-hitched, and you’re years away from having babies, the idea of purchasing a property seems possible in the near future, and makes you feel like you’re moving up in the food chain. So, while you’re checking out different suburbs (and wondering WHY the HELL you’re on Zillow & Google Earth looking at houses) you’re also skimming the net for the best school districts in the area. Sad, but true, even before you have bundles of joy in diapers, you’re thinking about where you’re going to send them to school. Children, taking over the world, one psychotic break at a time.
…Taking care of your parents. No matter how young they are, or you are, you worry about what will happen when they need you. Can you afford an emergency plane ticket to go help them? When they move to a new neighborhood, or a new house, will they be lonely? Do they miss you being around? Who are their friends and what are their intentions? Does their boss respect them? Life was a lot easier when they embarrassed you at the mall in front of the “cool kids” and you pretended you didn’t know them. Now you care… a lot.
…What time the live music at the bar will start? When you were twenty-one, you were at the front of the crowd, speakers blowing out your ear drums, holding your fourth, or fifth, drink of the night with your arms around total strangers singing songs you’ve never heard before together and secretly imaging the lead singer asking you out. Now, 9pm rolls around,you see the amps and you ask your waitress what time the band will go on so you can be sure to tab out before then. You’ve got a new episode of the Bachelorette waiting for you on your DVR and a group of girls wearing shirts as dresses just walked in. As you walk out, you don’t realize you still have the same shirt/dress in blue stuck at the back of your closet. Oops.
…Things like a lazy susan. I bet when you were searching for your first place your list was pretty minimal – working heat, space for a full size bed, a bathroom that doesn’t attract rats, and a kitchen that could pass for something bigger than a hotel room hot plate. Your latest apartment search included something more along the lines of – central air, washer and dryer in unit, storage closet, a kitchen with a window above the sink, a mud room or something that could be used for one, and a lazy susan cabinet. And somehow, these were all non-negotiable. Mr. & Mrs. Picky Pants…or, are we just old and refusing to live in the same building as a frat. Hm, the later.
…Looking, sounding and having opinions just like your parents. The first time you say or do something and realize that is exactly how your mom sounded, or your dad acted and you’re paralyzed by sheer horror at the event. It’s not that it’s actually so awful, it’s more like when you walk into a room where someone in naked, you’re more shocked and confused then you are sure of what just happened.
We used to think that getting older, feeling older, or worrying about being older was something bad, but, to be honest, when you look at twenty-two year olds now, aren’t you relieved you aren’t THAT anymore? Someone once said,”Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” When you think of it in those terms, all those things listed above are an amazing and comical thing that we are all lucky to have as part of our lives. Getting older is like good wine, the olda’ the betta’!
July Needs Some Ketch-Up June 27, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Beauty, Dating, GoodGuys File, Health and Fitness, Jobs and Work, Ketch-up, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships, Review.
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It’s KETCH-UP WEEK at Doing Laundry in Heels! June has been a rollercoaster of articles, SK traveling, Pascal resurfacing, and even with all that, it still needs some ketchup! So here’s what’s been on the grill this month and what’s been hot!
The Real Life Rules of Respect and Honesty – By Pascal
Respect and honesty are funny things. As far as my experience goes, everyone wants to be respected, and really, most people think they deserve respect in one manner or another, but what are the rules on respect? In the same vein, “honesty is always the best policy” and “relationships are based on honesty”…right?…Read more!
Turning Pretend into Reality
Many of us are very hard on ourselves. If we’ve felt like we’ve battled life alone – we are constantly trying to find the next level of achievement. If we came from wealth, or help, or a life that was created to be easy – we want to prove everyone wrong. If you’ve always been a winner – failure is the ultimate defeat. If you’ve rarely been a winner – then winning is the only thing you strive for. Most of us fall into one of these categories, if not a couple, so with people like us, we’re always searching for the next thing, reaching for the next level, wanting to prove to the world that we made it…Read more!
Detaching From The Situation
“You’re a horrible person.”
“You did the opposite of a good job.”
“What made you think this was a good idea?”
“You’re seriously under performing.”
Things we’ve all probably heard at one point or another. Whether it’s coming from a boss, or co-worker, a friend, a parent or a partner, it’s the worst thing to hear and it’s shocking. When you’re sitting at the opposite end of a table and someone looks you dead in the eye and starts telling you that you’re, basically, worthless, your first reaction is shock. In your mind you’re thinking “What is happening right now? Is this for real?”…Read more!
Anyone who has spent more than ten minutes with me knows that I have an enormous sweet tooth, probably more so than most other people on the planet. If there’s dessert, I’m there, but I recently found a product that is as sweet as sugar (literally!) but rather than making you breakout and plump up, it does something good for your body…Read more!
The Sides of Needing Space – this month’s GoodGuys File
There are two types of people out there, those who need space and those who do not. Most people like to think they’re one kind, but are probably the other. So, what happens when you’re in a relationship and spending the majority, if not almost all, your time with the same person? What happens you ask? Fights, tension, lashing out or snapping for no good reason. Human beings weren’t meant to be alone, but they weren’t meant to be together 24/7 either. Finding the balance in a relationship is a fine line, but it isn’t an invisible one…Read more!
The Sides of Needing Space June 23, 2014Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Apartment Life, Dating, Family, GoodGuys File, Health and Fitness, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File
There are two types of people out there, those who need space and those who do not. Most people like to think they’re one kind, but are probably the other. So, what happens when you’re in a relationship and spending the majority, if not almost all, your time with the same person? What happens you ask? Fights, tension, lashing out or snapping for no good reason. Human beings weren’t meant to be alone, but they weren’t meant to be together 24/7 either. Finding the balance in a relationship is a fine line, but it isn’t an invisible one.
There are two sides to “I need space” and the only way to make it work, is to understand where the other person is coming from. For people who really do need space, it’s about feeling suffocated. People don’t necessarily want to be without you, they also don’t necessarily want to be alone, they just want some air. Like when you’re stuck in a crowded subway car, or a stuffy office building, you just want to get outside – it’s not that you don’t like where you are, or who you’re with, you just need some air. Space allows people to refocus on their relationship, or other things. For many people, they love their significant other so much, it can difficult to really get other things done while they’re together. They make excuses or procrastinate doing things because it’s easy to just hang out or go out when you’re with the person you like. Alone time lets them work on the other elements on their life like work, career, finances, family and friendships. Sometimes, space doesn’t even mean being alone, it means being apart. Visiting family for a week, going out with friends, or even going to work or out after work can be space. It’s a new setting, a new set of people, and if anything, it generally makes them miss being with you more.
Some people simply don’t need as much space as others, probably because they aren’t used to it. Maybe they are an only child, or have felt a lot of separation in their life. To them, needing space is a synonym for all sorts of things – it means not wanting to be with the other person, it means leaving, it brings up the anxiety of being alone, which for many people can be difficult. For people who aren’t used to being alone, or don’t have a need for it, hearing “I need space” is instantaneously negative. It makes them feel like they’ve done something wrong and they’re being punished, it creates a sense of insecurity and even fear. However, some people, they just don’t need space. They are people persons, they like being social, they like chatting and telling stories and laughing and being around people. Not to say that people who need space aren’t like this, but for some people, life is just boring without others.
So, what’s the right way to go about making it work? First rule of thumb; don’t deny people who need space. Telling someone you don’t want them to have time alone is the fastest way to start the beginning of the end. People don’t like being denied something that’s rightful theres, people also don’t like being bossed around. There are going to be moments, maybe fights, where space is the last thing you want but you’re going to have to let them have it because they need it, and your relationship needs it. Second rule of thumb; understanding people who don’t need space. Whether they have an emotional reaction to the word “space”, not like being alone, or simply want you to stop leaving every single time you need to take a breath, listen to them. See where they’re coming from and work to control how often you might need space. Walking away isn’t always the answer, sometimes things need to be handled together.