Supporting Those Who Come After Us March 30, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Friendships, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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There are a lot of women in this world who will put you down. They will tell you that life will be hard, it will be unfair, and the only way to make it is to fight like hell and not let any man come between you and your destiny. While some of this may be true, there seems to be a trend amongst “older” women to discourage “younger” women, rather than lift them up. I was never given a handout, I was dealt very few favors, but I was lucky in my early twenties to meet some wonderful women who helped guide me.
There was a night I was sitting a restaurant with a good friend of mine. The bill came, she reached for it, and when I offered some money she refused. She said to me, “SK, to me, this is a scratch on the surface, but to you, right now, this is a big junk of change. One day, you will meet a younger girl, who’s just starting out, and you will get her bill. That’s how you can pay me.” I never forgot that. The problem was, for much of my twenties I didn’t feel like the “older”, wiser, more experienced girl. In fact, the only individuals younger than me I felt I had any seniority over where children under the age of 13. Sometimes, I’d look at high schoolers and think “they’ll never take a page out of my book, I’m practically the same age as them!” There was a time I wasn’t even sure I would ever shake that feeling. What I know now, is that time will come.
There was no specific moment I looked in the mirror and said “Now, now I feel like a grown-up!” and confetti magically appeared from the sky. When push came to shove, I just was, I just was a grown-up. Whether it’s being put in charge of a group of teenage girls, or sitting at a coffee shop with a 22 year old who just finished college, there is something that comes over you that makes it all click – you do know more about life, you do have more life experience, and you even have more mistakes to show them how not to follow in your footsteps. Guidance and advice don’t always come from being perfect, they can just come from having seen the world, and having been royally $%&!’d by it!
I recently knew a girl who got fired. Had that been me, seven years ago, someone would have told me they were sorry, someone would have told me everything happens as it’s supposed to. You know what I told her? I said to her, “This is good.” “Today, this sucks, but in the long run this is good. It’s good to know failure, it’s good to look back and see your mistakes, it’s good to be able to learn how to pick up the pieces. It’s better you know now than when you’re thirty-two and have more to lose. This opens up possibilities for you, now you’re not stuck at a job you hate, you have an entire world ahead of you and you have time (age) to figure it out, try different things. Sure, getting out of college and getting your dream job is great, and easy, and convenient, but does it really let you experience life?”
If we want to create co-workers we’re proud of, and smart teachers for our children, and role models for our grandchildren, shouldn’t we work harder now to make the generation under us empowered and strong? How will scaring someone out of life, discourage someone from trying make women stronger? I say we take the proverbial bill and pay it all, for all of them, but we make them promise that they will work hard to pay someone else’s bill. If we do that, we might actually look back and be proud of what we created.
10 Things to Do When You’re Stressed March 26, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Health and Fitness, Life Lessons/Growing Up.
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Jan. 1st came and we made all these promises to ourselves; “I’ll workout more”, “I’ll eat less”, “I’ll get a solid eight hours of sleep”. Fast forward to March and most of those have gone out the window with the money we’re spending on a gym membership we’re not using. Life happens, and much of the time is also tramples over us like a heard of elephants. Stress is the number one reason to be unhappy and make others around you unhappy, so if you’re feeling totally overwhelmed, here are ten great things to do when you’re stressed out.
Remember, mind, body and spirit are all connected so take the time to let yourself have some time, you’ll thank yourself.
Do What You Want! March 18, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Following Your Dreams, Friendships, Life Lessons/Growing Up.
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All dressed up and nowhere to go – sound familiar? In our twenties we spend much of our time waiting on other people; waiting to go out, waiting to join social groups, waiting to buy tickets, waiting to leave parties. What we don’t realize is that while we’re spending so much time waiting on other people, we aren’t actually following our own instincts or desires. How many times have you waited for a group of people to commit to an event, only to find that those “great deal!” tickets suddenly jumped up in cost by $50 each? Or that moment your friend said they’d let you know when they were ready to meet up, so you’ve been sitting all dressed with your hair and makeup done, waiting for some random text? Looking back, you only feel kind of dumb for not taking action when your gut told you to.
Now that I’m slowly moving out of my twenties, there are few things I regret, but I can definitely say it took me more than my handful of lessons to learn that waiting on other people is nothing but that, waiting. Much of this comes from our desire to not do things alone, quitting a job is a lot easier if your friend will also be leaving, or going to a volunteer meeting feels more comfortable if you know someone there. However, would we rather lose the opportunity to find a new job, or volunteer for an organization because we’re waiting on our friend to commit? Of course, we can’t walk through life just committing to things when we’ve told other people we’ll do it with them, nor can we control other people, at the end of the day if someone doesn’t call you back or doesn’t give you a straight answer, you can’t reach into their brain and read their mind. What we can do is make a conscious effort to make our own decisions on our own terms.
Have a time limit – if you’re waiting to buy concert tickets, or decided if you’re going to road trip to see a game, tell your friends when you need to know by, an actual date or time. “Because of my schedule, I need to know one way or the other by Tuesday night”, that way, if you haven’t heard, you can call everyone that morning and tell hem it’s yes or no by the end of the day. At that point, you can make your own plans and people who still want to join in can tag along with you.
Be a wrangler – sometimes the problem with not getting commitments is that no one is in charge. Be the point-person for events, meet-ups, going to parties together. Sometimes people want someone else to tell them where to be, at what time, and what to expect. It’ll make it easier to get responses from people if they already know you’re the person to talk to.
Trust yourself – If you’re waiting to go out and an hour has gone by, then two hours, decide if you’re going out or if you’re putting PJ’s on and staying in. This can be hard if you’ve already gotten your hopes up, but it’s slightly more pathetic to continue sitting around for no reason. Go get a drink by yourself, or do some shopping while your lazy friends get their act together, or just watch a movie and pop some popcorn. If it has been a while and you’re debating whether or not they’ll flake all together, get a status update. If your girlfriends are still at work, or haven’t even “taken a shower yet”, it’s safe to say this isn’t happening, trust your gut. If you’re at a party and want to leave, or decide that whatever event you’re attending simply isn’t for you, don’t do things based on other people’s schedules. A simple “Hey, I’m going to catch a cab home, you’re welcome to come” is better than nagging your friend for another 45 minutes on how you want to leave.
Get over it – some friends are flaky! Some people can’t commit, and some people simply have really poor scheduling habits. For those people, get over their personal flaws and protect your own schedule. If you have a coffee date with your super disorganized pal, remember to schedule a back-up plan; “If they can’t make it, I can clean my apartment tonight”, “they canceled, so I’ll go to the gym instead and then I can sleep in tomorrow”. You can also make plans with groups of friends, so if one or two never show, you’ve still got a glass of wine and a fun evening.
Do what you want – if there’s an event you want to work, or a program you want to join, or a new job you feel like applying for, just do it! You might miss out if you try to recruit others. Sure, things like parties and concerts are more fun with a group, but things you really want to do, or feel a draw to, you should just go for it. You’ll meet new people in the process and feel empowered by doing something for you!
The Keys to Success March 14, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Finances, Following Your Dreams, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Tips and Tricks.
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Learn to laugh at yourself. Invest in your future. Take responsibility. Have a thick skin. Don’t be afraid to take risks.
What do all these things have in common? Success. Success isn’t something you stumble upon, it’s something you work towards. This article illustrates some of the top traits successful people have, and how to hone in on your own success! Whether it’s in class, at work, or in your personal growth, success is what you make of it!
Stop Being So Negative! March 10, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Health and Fitness, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Tips and Tricks.
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Another great article form Elite Daily on the 7 negative things 20-somethings are doing!
Be a happier, healthier YOU! Read on to find out which if these 7 behaviors you’re guilty of and make some positive changes today!
Adults Need Help Too! March 7, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Family, Friendships, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Relationships.
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Adult; a person who has attained the age of majority and is therefore regarded as independent, self-sufficient, and responsible.
Check. Check. and Check. So If I’m an adult, if I meet all the necessary job requirements, if I have all the appropriate skill sets, why do I feel so incomplete doing things alone?
Imagine you’re from a family of twelve (or maybe you are!), now imagine you’ve never had a waking moment to yourself. Everything was done with you, for your, or alongside you for as long as you could remember. Then you pop into the real world, you’re out of college and you’re living miles and miles away from your nearest sibling. Freedom, right? You can finally have your own space. While that may seem excellent for the first few weeks, soon you’ll feel like a part of you is missing, eating dinner in front of the TV by yourself just isn’t what you thought it would be. Now, imagine a scenario where you come from a great family of four, a mom, a dad, a sibling. Your parents both work, your brother is an all-star soccer star, so you’ve been left to your own devices for much of your childhood. Many would refer to you as mature, responsible, old for your age. You’ve been making stove-top mac and cheese since you were 9, and you’ve prefect it! So when you jump out into the world, you’re readily equipped to just up and do things, but maybe you’ve spent so much time being alone that you want something new, something different, something that comforts you.
If humans were meant to do things alone, we wouldn’t have each other. Some people like more space than others, but the reason we have friends and family is because we aren’t meant to do everything in our life alone. Learning how to be by oneself is a great lesson, because the reality is that sometimes you will have to do things alone – take a flight by yourself, rent an apartment alone, go to the doctor, deal with an insurance claim, all these things that are uncomfortable and not fun. Still, there is no shame in not wanting to.
Not wanting to battle life without a hand to hold does not make you weaker, it does not make you less of an adult, or incapable. Often times when we ask someone for help, people tell us we need to grow up, perhaps so many times that we just stop asking for help. Don’t, don’t do that. Never forget how to ask for someone to support you, even if all they do is stand there. As long as you’re willing to try new things, and open to being brave, even when you’re scared, then you’ve already won the battle. Having a friend to hold your hand is a hard thing to ask, so asking for help is just as hard and handling life alone. We may be adults, but adults need help too sometimes.
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The GoodGuys File
We’ve all had that moment, we’re meeting our friend’s significant other and could say it’s a little less than what we’d like to be doing that day. Sometimes those meetings are loads of fun but many times they’re just a ball of anxiety in your stomach until you get it over with. Speaking from experience, here are some fun and supportive ways to get through it…and maybe even enjoy it!
Your Best Friend’s New Girlfriend
It’s always exciting when your friend tells you they’re dating someone new! The first thing you always says is “I can’t wait to meet her!” so when you do, remember to respect that this is hard for her so never make her feel like an outsider, invite her in! Meeting a significant other who’s a guy is different, men don’t feel as territorial over friends but women can become very judgmental if they feel another girl is taking their place, so while you should be cautious no matter what gender your best friend’s significant other is, be particularly aware of your behavior if you are the same sex.
Do!: Talk to them! Never talk around someone, if you’re telling a story tell it to them and use phrases like “You’ll never believe what he did, let me tell you!” or “I have to tell you about this one time he totally embarrassed himself”. This will not only make the night fun but it will make her feel part of the picture and like you accept her. Even if she says or does something wrong, don’t call her out, this isn’t the time or the place. Feel free to voice what you know, but in an open or kind way.
Don’t!: Talk around her – try not to use words like “we” or “us”, it will make her feel like an outsider, like you don’t want her taking away your best guy friend. Don’t ignore her either, if she also has a statement or story, listen, even if you think it’s dumb or not entertaining. Not everyone you meet will be a winner, but the first meeting is not for you to act rude, it’s to get to know them. They may surprise you!
Your Significant Other’s Friend’s Spouse
You’ve been dating for a while, you’ve been friends with your significant other’s friend for a while, but you’re just now meeting their spouse. This can be both exciting and nervewrecking – remember to keep it fun!
Do!: Be open! Don’t feel like you can’t talk about yourself and tell them who you are. They have probably heard stories about you from your friend, there’s a good chance they’ve been anxious to meet you. Ask questions, they are probably a little uncomfortable too, it’ll break the ice. Talk about relationships! If anything, you both have two things in common – they’re sitting right there!, So chat and laugh about it!
Don’t: Be quiet. It might come off as you not wanting to be there, or not carrying. No matter how weird it might be, try to find something to chat about. Don’t assume you’ll be the best of friends either, sometimes when someone has been married, they feel different than you may about your not yet wedded relationship. You might be at different points in your lives and simply not have that much in common right now. Also, don’t be intimidated, so they’re married, that doesn’t mean anything! There are millions of happy and unhappy marriages, treat them like people and try to have fun!
Your Friend’s Much Older/Younger New “Friend”
When you find out your friend is dating someone much younger or much older than them, typically, you don’t react in the best way possible. It’s also very hard to go into this meeting with an optimistic and open attitude. You love your friend, you want them to be happy, but you also don’t understand how this is making them happy, am I right?
Do!: Be as open as possible. Ease into it. Let them tell you about themselves, and ask questions when you feel like it, you don’t need to be a cheerleader, just don’t be rude. Have a couple drinks, it’ll relax you and help the conversation flow. Talk about work, hobbies, family, things that offer insight into who they are and what they are looking for out of life. Be yourself, if you’re fake or trying to talk up or down to them it’ll seem like you’re trying too hard to be at their level, and won’t make anyone comfortable.
Don’t!: Just start judging them. They’ll probably say or do things that will show their age, put yourself in their position – weren’t you ever the odd man out? Don’t ask your friend what the relationship is all about the first moment you get, it’ll seem really unsupportive. However, if you are concerned, don’t keep your thoughts to yourself – find a time to talk to them and let them hear you out. If your friend still says they’re happy, be the greatest friend you can be for this period in their life. You never know where it may lead and you’ll regret losing a friend if you come off too strong in your opinions.
Your Friend’s Longtime Lover Who Won’t Commit
It’s never easy when you see your friend being strung along – even if it’s willingly. However, you can’t avoid the inevitable group hangout every now and then, so when they show up take a deep breath and remember these Do’s and Don’ts.
Do!: Stay calm. Say hello, be cordial, ask them how work is going and then move on. You don’t have to be at their side all night, just make sure to be nice and pleasant for the sake of having a fun evening. Do get some backup, if you have another friend there who shares your views, stick together, it’ll be easier for you to have a buddy you can lean on so you don’t feel tense by yourself all night. Remember to respect your friend, at the end of the day this is his or her choice, if you see a hottie at the bar don’t try to force them together, it’ll only anger them.
Don’t!: Freak out! No one likes a person who causes a scene. Don’t say anything to your friend, this isn’t the time for deep conversations about what they deserve or how they’re being used. Don’t try to be this person’s best friend either, you don’t want to give the illusion that you’re cool with them now, just be civil, be a grown-up about it.
Boxed Into Your Job February 24, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Finances, Following Your Dreams, How To, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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I DO NOT DO SALES. It’s like I need to tattoo it onto my forehead for people to hear me clearly. I’ve done sales once or twice in my life, I’ve been fairly good at it, so that’s all people hear, that’s all they see, that’s all I am to them.What am I really? I am a human being with ambition. I am a person who wants to be constantly challenged and if I’m giving the chance, I’ll prove that i can be trusted, and that I can exceed people’s expectations. What I am not is a one trick pony. What I am not is a person who can only be good at one thing.
Do you ever feel like all your boss sees you as is what you are? For many of us, this is the case, whether it’s the profession we’ve chosen or the company we work for, we are only seen as the job we hold, we are only as good as our last day of work. There is this culture in American that if you work hard and long and always say yes, you’ll get a promotion and you’ll grow, however, for many jobs that’s just not true. If you’ve ever been labeled at your job, you understand. That new job opens up in a different department, and it’s something you know you’d just rock at, but when you apply your supervisors tell you that they’re really looking for someone with more specific experience, or that they are really happy with where you are now and a promotion in your division should open up soon. How are you supposed to respond to that? It’s both a compliment and in insult all at once. Better yet, the employers who do offer you a job, for something you did two years ago, because to them that is what you do. Despite how much you’ve grown as a person, despite your age, the place you are in your life, your expenses. Thanks for thinking I was good when we worked together 24 months ago, but now I’m even better, and I’m ready for something new! That internship was awesome when I was 22, I’m almost 25 now and I don’t want to be in the same office space as someone learning how to refill a stapler.
Hiring professionals will tell you to get some experience under your belt, do some volunteering, work for a non-profit, get a portfolio going by doing work for friends but this isn’t that kind of article. This is the kind of article that screams “I know! what the hell!”, this is the kind of article that gives the middle finger to all your past employers who felt you were good enough as you were and didn’t want to give you a chance. Sometimes, life isn’t about sitting down and looking at the bright side, it’s about getting a bottle of wine and whinnying about it.
However, there is always a time to look at the bigger picture, even if it’s not a bright one (…and maybe only after two glasses of wine). Let’s say you got that promotion, let’s say you took that job you wanted, would your boss be any different? Would they see you as someone who deserved it, would they acknowledge your talents? Sometimes what we don’t get is a sign of something we don’t need, everything happens for a reason even if at the times it never seems fair. The reward is greater with greater risk, so if there is something you really want out of life, keep working to get it, it won’t come easy, it will make you envious of others who seem to have everything you want, but when you finally get that dream job, everything you went through will be so worth it! Plus…you’ll have wine the entire time, so, it can’t be all bad, now can it.
Spa Day Saturday! February 21, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Beauty, Health and Fitness, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Women.
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One of my personal projects the last several months has been leading a more fulfilling life. Ultimately, this is a dream that’s unattainable, since we know life will never be perfect, but I want to be healthy emotionally and mentally, not just physically, which means finding time to do things that make me feel happy, even if they are small. I would call taking care of myself a luxury, because for years I’ve been preaching about taking care of yourself, I’ve been told that I need to make me my number one priority, but when you’re hustling and just trying to get by, it falls to the bottom of the to-do list.
Being a girl is also part of allowing yourself to be special. Sometimes, being healthy just means watching 13 Going on 30 while doing your nails, and not having anyone need you, judge you, or annoy you. So, late last year I created Spa Day Saturday. “Saturday” can be a Friday, it can be a Monday morning, it can be a Thursday afternoon, it doesn’t matter when you do it, as long as you allow yourself to do it and not let anything stand in the way of that.
Every Saturday morning I wake up, I make a coffee and I watch TV on the coach for a few hours while cuddling with my cat. I might make breakfast, I might not, depends on what I feel like. The point of the morning is no stress, no drama, no worries. Then I give myself a full spa day! I take a long hot shower, and be sure to scrub with my Simple Sugars, double condition my hair (or treat it if I’m feeling really ambitious), take care of anything else in the shower including shaving, or really sudsing up just because it’s fun. I don’t put myself on a timeline or try to be out by a certain time. I’ll also do my eyebrows this day, make sure they’re perfect, and do any face treatments that I have lying around. At some point I’ll also do my oil pulling (coconut oil! woot! woot!); typically I’ll do it while in the shower, but I’ll sometimes move it to after if I’m just not in the mood yet. I always feel super clean and invigorated after spa day, not only because it’s fun, and something to look forward to, but because it gets me ready for the week ahead with healthy, shining skin, hair, nails etc.
For fun twists – I’ll sometimes turn on music depending on my mood, or I may relocate to a different bathroom which gives it a super spa feel, since it’s not my day-to-day shower location. This is also a super fun time to use any samples you may have gotten from Sephora, friends, BrichBox etc. the most important thing to making spa day work is that you actually do it, I’m fortunate that I have Saturday mornings to myself, but on the off chance I don’t, or I have to move it to a different day due to scheduling, I make it clear that I am not to be bothered for a while, it’s my time to relax and beautify!
How to Be a Morning Person February 10, 2015Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Apartment Life, Health and Fitness, How To, Life Lessons/Growing Up.
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“For many of us, mornings begin in a rushed panic. We allow our alarm clocks to buzz at least a dozen times before we decide we have to get out of bed. We then rush around our homes half-awake trying to get ready for our day. In a hurry, we stub our toe on the bedpost, forget to put on deodorant, and don’t pack a lunch because we simply do not have time.
It’s no wonder that so many folks despise the thought of being awake before 9 am!”
Forgetting deodorant? Check! Not packing lunch? Also check! Stubbing toe? Been there! Learn how to be a morning person, or at least a little bit happier in the AM! Read this awesome and uplifting article at MindBodyGreen!